Premonitions | ✓

fifteen

"My Girl" -The Temptations

It was late evening then.

      Visiting hours were long over, the couple kicked out of the closing cafeteria. They stayed at the hospital for hours until Kat had texted Anna that it was all clear. Her mother was alone. The family had left the building. 

     Lars waited for Anna outside the hospital room at the nurse's station, charming his way through the night staff to keep them busy while Anna spoke with her mother.

     "Mom," Anna mumbled as she leaned against the doorway.

    Michelle looked up to find her firstborn in the poorly lit hallway. The frail woman beckoned Anna over with one hand, sitting in a chair next to her mother's bed as she turned off the tablet, "I thought you had left again."

     "I thought about it." Anna joked.

     After a long silence of Anna picking the skin around her nail buds and the heated gaze her mother set atop her head, Michelle spoke, "I don't know what to say to you Anna besides... I've missed you."

     "I got to be honest, Mom," Anna shook her waves out, "I don't know why I'm here."

     Michelle rolled her eyes, "What do you want me to say, Anna?"

     "What I've always wanted you to say," Anna looked up at her mom then, "That you're sorry."

     Her mother couldn't help the scoff, "What should I be sorry about? That I raised you into a strong and independent woman?"

     Anna laughed with disappointment, running a hand through her bangs to get them out of her red face, "I want you to grow the hell up." Her mother paled.

    "Is this why you came, to finally set me straight and yell in my face about how poor of a mother I was?" Her mother was sarcastic, of course, but that was exactly what Anna had longed to do.

     Let the guilt-tripping begin, Anna thought, "I guess I should thank you for my success. I wouldn't have all the mental disorders and body issues without you and your husband's help. They made me...In a way...Creative."

     "Jesus, Anna. Stop being so dramatic. Stop blaming everyone for your misfortunes in life."

     "Oh, I'm not blaming you, Mother. I'm holding you accountable." 

     Anna stood from the chair to stare down at the woman who birthed her, "I don't care what you say about me behind my back, to my face. I don't care what you think of me because I had to realize a long time ago that you... You were never going to be the mom I craved for, the mom I deserved."

    Michelle cleared her throat, "I tried my best with what I had."

     Anna nodded, knowing what she meant, "I know. But, in the end, it still wasn't enough. I just came to tell you in person that I forgive you." 

     She took a beat, "I forgive you because you don't have the capacity to be what I need, or at least... What I needed when I was a kid. I shouldn't reprimand you for that."

     Michelle shook her head, "Honestly, Anna. You think you're hot shit. You're so disrespectful. I am your mother."

    Anna shrugged, walking a few steps away, "Maybe." 

     She turned when she made it to the door, "I just wanted a mom that cared and you didn't, you couldn't. At least, not the way you should've. And I can't blame you for who you are. I came to make sure you were okay and to tell you that I forgive you."