COBRA 13 // harry styles

nineteen

Andrea Castro

I felt myself becoming more and more emotionally numb. I had a thick, empty feeling stuck in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't seem to shake it off. My body felt rigid and weak as if my emotions had taken such a huge toll on it physically. My thoughts have been consuming me, drowning me, suffocating me and it was so hard to breathe. Every time I tried to push them to the back of my mind, it kept pulling me back and I was fighting with my brain to just give me a break. 

I turned over on my side, opening my eyes to come in contact with the darkness that surrounded the room. I sighed quietly to myself, starting to hate the silence because it was only worsening my thoughts. It was giving me time to think to myself and I didn't want to think. The more I thought about everything the more I wanted to tear myself apart and disappear. 

I was absolutely gutted, knowing that my father was not the person I thought he was. Just the thought of me looking up to this stranger my whole life and being blood-related to him created a nauseous feeling that I couldn't rid of. It feels as if I didn't have a father at all, because he has just now turned into a stranger to me. It all had been just a big lie and to know the malicious things he's been doing all these years makes me enormously grateful that he was now gone, forever. 

I felt myself beginning to accept the fact that he was dead, and deep down I hated admitting it because it felt wrong, but I was happy he was gone. Just because he was my dad and I grew up loving this man, doesn't change the fact that he's done awful, terrible things in the world. I don't think life in prison could suffice for the things he's done. What scared me the most is knowing that this might not be the end. What about all the people who worked for him? What if they were to carry this on even after he's gone?

I'm sure Cobra-13 was on it, tracking down every single person who was apart of it as well, and for once, I was sort of grateful for Cobra-13. I glanced over to my side, noticing Harry's back facing me, the duvet covering his tall frame as he snuggled into his pillow. I could hear his light breathing, but I wasn't completely sure if he had fallen asleep just yet.

He had put me in his bed tonight, worried that I might pull another stunt like I did earlier. I know I'm not acting like myself, but I can't help the pain that is surrounding my chest and my drowning thoughts that won't disappear. I can't act like myself. I feel guilt run through me at the mere thought of trying to go back to normal. How was it remotely possible for me to go back to normal after this?

I felt extremely grateful to have someone like Harry, because if it wasn't for him,  I don't think I would be laying in this bed right now, breathing. He has continuously risked his life for mine, and my heart fluttered at the thought. I don't exactly know what's going on between us and I'm not sure if it's going to last. Just one more day and I'm getting thrown back into the real world and I'm expected to go back to my normal life.

For some reason, I didn't want to. I didn't want to go back to all the places that reminded me of what I once was. I just know it would bring back memories and thoughts that would eventually destroy me in the long run. 

Believe it or not, I have been enjoying my time with Harry, no matter how insane and fucking crazy it has become. Whatever we have going on, I feel as if it has become more than what we anticipated. This wasn't just casual hooking up anymore, and that thought terrified me. I feel like I'm never going to see him again after this and the familiar chest pains returned just from the thought of that. This has become more, and we both know that. The trauma I've endured has insanely brought us much closer and the affection we've been displaying for one another is proof of that. 

I watched his sleeping figure and all I wanted to do was get myself tangled in his warm body heat. I felt myself scooting closer to him, my chest pressing against his back as I lazily threw my arm over his torso, wanting to pull him in and have him as close to me as much as I can. I just wanted the feel of his skin on mine and the sound of his heartbeat echoing through my ears. Just him alone was giving me a sense of peace and that's all I ask for. Peace.