Hospital For Souls ! fransykes !

It was written in blood

First pages of Oli's leather book

Chapter 17?

Possible trigger warning ⚠️

Every time I write how I feel it just turns into a fucking suicide note. So this journal will be full of suicide letters. The last one will probably be the real one. That's if there's more than one.

It's quite possible that this is the first and only thing I write. I am about to slice my skin open. Hopefully, I'll bleed to death.

Why?

Why would I want to kill myself?

I guess I'll explain a little before I go in case I do bleed to death.

My name is Oliver Sykes and I just turned sixteen. When I was younger I thought I'd be dead by now but that sadly isn't true. To be honest, I don't know why I'm still breathing.

The many times I've tried to kill myself all failed. I'm really bad at killing myself, aren't I? Each time that it's happened I either got freaked out or it didn't work.

I thought I was going to explain a lot but I'm tired. Nobody will even read my suicide note if I wrote one so there's no point. I've read suicide notes before and the person always apologizes. Well, im not sorry. When I kill myself I hope I'll be able to watch when someone finds my body.

Their face will be priceless. Not because they are sad but because they finally realize that I was serious.

-

It was awful, it hurts to think about. How could that happen? How could I not see it? I was only a kid, I should have known. Did I? Did I do that on purpose?

How could that happen?

Why did that happen?

I'm so sorry. I don't mean to. I don't think I knew. I'm not evil? It was an accident. It hurts to breathe. This ink is smearing because of the tears that keep falling.

Today has been horrible. I think I'll really kill myself because I can't deal with another day like this. I hate this. I can't take it anymore. I've never been the same.

Hour by hour,
Day by day.
Your memory,
Will fade away.

Ever sunrise,
Every sunset,
Will help me to forget.

But honestly dear, I've never forgotten one thing about you. Your smile was so bright, way brighter than it should have been. You've always smiled brighter than you should. That's one thing I loved about you.

Sometimes I'll hear you laugh and cry at school but you've never talked to me since... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

I haven't been sleeping, it's scary to close my eyes. I'm so scared of the dark and even with your night light in my room I still get so scared when I shut my eyes. It's too dark. I feel dead inside, I feel so fucking dead.

Fuck, I'm bleeding all over this stupid page. Im starting to get dizzy so ill end this letter here. Goodbye, I hope this kills me and you get to see how your words and the back of your hand affected me.

I fucking hate you

-

Oli's pov

The little round pill sits in my palm on top of the drop-dead kitty tattoo. This pill causes me to be nauseous, dizzy, and drowsy. I hate it, the Prozac isn't as bad but it also causes me to be tired. So I'm always tired.