Hospital For Souls ! fransykes !

suicide letters

Chapter 27

The note:

Well, this is awkward, you're standing in my room thinking I moved out but I'm actually dead. Surprise! Not funny? Okay fine I'll be more serious. I didn't do this because of us. There was no us.

I used you to have a place to live while I was alive. I needed to see Lee but I sent kellin a text telling him about Lee and he said he's thinking about adopting him. That's the only thing that was holding me back. So this book has a bunch of suicide notes in it so if you want you can read them but this is the most accurate one and it's going to be longer then the others because I believe this is my last suicide letter.

Each time I wrote one I had doubt I wouldn't actually kill myself but I know I'll succeed in this. I'm done chickening out. I miss my brother and I have no family.

So you want to know why I was in a mental hospital? I'll tell you, you better be sitting because this is going to be a long letter.

Both I and my brother were accidents, our parents didn't really love us. They neglected us and didn't raise us right. They didn't notice when I started talking to myself or talking to people who really weren't there. They didn't care when I good them I saw monsters and things whispered in my ear.

Maybe if they did I'd be watched better and what happened wouldn't have happened. I'm not sure if it was because I was stupid or because I am a monster but I killed my little brother. I was 8 and he was 6... It's why I hate beaches. I drowned my brother.

I didn't realize it until he was dead but it happened and it was my fault. I didn't get in trouble but my parents hated me. They would hurt me and make me hate myself even more. I know I deserve it but I felt like the victim most of the time.

My mom ended up killing herself and saying it was my fault in her suicide note. So I'm a murderer. I killed two people. Well, now I killed three people because I'm dead now.

Jordan, my ex-boyfriend, abused me too. He worked at the mental hospital and you met him once. He has really bright blue eyes. He knew what I did and he used it against me. I won't talk about him but he's another reason I killed myself.

I stated that I used you earlier, that was kinda a lie. I do like you. But I wasn't made for this world. If I was okay and normal I would have loved to call you mine. The thought of you and me living together happily is a fun thought but it's impossible.

My heart has been broken too many times for me to love again.

Before you say I'm selfish just stop and think. If you were me you'd do the same. No family. No friends. My only love interest doesn't know me and is suicidal so if you were with me is probably end up killing you too. I have paranoid schizophrenia, that's not easy to deal with.

I see my dead brother weekly. My dead dad has tried to attack me and when I start seeing things I can't tell if it's real or not. Even if it's common sense. I dropped out of high school so even if I could work I couldn't. I'll never live a normal life.

I'm so scared all the time and if I'm not I'm numb. Nobody wants to live like that. Maybe if I didn't have blood on my hands I'd be able to live. But I don't have a family. Nobody loves me. Nobody knows what I go through.

Even though this is my last month on this earth it was the best. I'm glad I met you. I'm sorry if this hurts you but as selfish as it is: I'd rather hurt you a little than living in misery forever.

You might notice this letter is directed at you, Josh. It's because I think I actually liked you. Yeah, it's silly to admit this but I've never liked anyone so it's neat... It's like you gave me comfort or something. It's like you didn't think I was a freak.