Hospital For Souls ! fransykes !

My b-

Chapter 21

Oli's pov

The first thing I realize as I'm waking up is that I'm comfortable. The second thing I realize is that I'm pressed against josh like he's my only source of heat. My eyes open slowly so the change of light doesn't hurt my eyes and look at josh.

His eyes are closed but he doesn't look asleep. When I move he probably will 'wake up' he's just thinking right now. Because I'm comfortable I don't move. Why would I?

Josh... He's too nice. I know he doesn't realize it but he sends mixed signals. It's clear he's straight but the way he looks at me... And how he talks to me. I'm starting to think I have a chance. But I don't want a chance. I don't belong in a relationship.

When I kill myself I'd rather leave a friend and not a boyfriend. He's warm and friendly, I like cuddling with him. He slowly turns as if he's trying not to wake me up. I have to force myself not to smile. He holds me comfortably and I think he's looking at me so I don't open my eyes.

He is super nice and I feel like he is to everyone but I think he might like me? Is that silly to think? Nobody ever likes me. Yet nobody treats me like this. "You can open up to me if you want... It might help, " he whispers so softly I almost don't even hear him. He doesn't know I'm awake, he's just telling my body that? Or is he saying it so my brain knows but I don't?

He moves some of my hair away from my face so I wait a minute and then slowly open my eyes. He is indeed looking at me but when he sees my eyes open his face goes red.

He likes me.

He really is stupid, isn't he?

I didn't open my eyes to wake up I just wanted to see if he really was looking at me. I lean forward and put my face against his chest. His hand rests on the small of my back and his thumb is lightly brushing against my skin. My shirt is slightly up so I can feel his warm skin.

"Are you hungry?" He asks.

I'm never hungry and when I am I usually see bugs on my food. I lose my appetite, even more, when fucking bugs are on my food. Even if it isn't there. "I'm sleeping, " I mumble.

"Then why are you answering my question?" He asks and I make a face he can't see. Maybe he can feel the 'really?' Face I'm making.

"Because I'm not going to ignore you, " I say. I was close to saying 'because I'm nice, ' but I don't want to be laughed at. I'm sure even he knows I'm rude even though I haven't really been mean to him. Not yet at least.

Well maybe making him steal pills for me was mean... I'm not sure he never brought it up. He hums a little in an answer for what I said.

Why would he tell me I can open up to him? I have to go to therapy twice a week, he shouldn't feel obligated to help me. Maybe he knows what my medicine helps with and is scared I'll hallucinate again.

I've done a lot of stupid things because I saw things that weren't there. It's not constant or really frequent. My medicine really does help. I don't see things daily, or even hear things that much. It's just the fact that I do makes me paranoid I'm always seeing things.

"Come get breakfast with me before I go to work?" He asks me. He really wants me to eat, doesn't he? I sigh and sit up rubbing my face. I'm always so tired. I look at the time to see its 12 pm. Okay, I'll wake up.

Josh starts getting up so I watch him. Why can't I have energy? Slowly I get out of bed like a sloth. He looks at me once more before leaving the room. I steal his blanket and wrap myself in it before walking out.

Is it weird I kind of do want to open up to him? I almost did when I first met him. I almost told him why I love blankets and use them as a coping mechanism.

Josh is cooking when I walk in proving how slow I am. I get on the counter almost slipping because of the blanket but manage to get on it better. I watch him cook feeling numb. I'd give a lot to be happy...

As I'm lost in thought I don't notice when he comes closer. I look up to see him looking at me. He leans over and my eyes go wide but I don't lean back. I thought he was going to kiss me but the fool grabs a think from behind me. I blush realizing I should have leaned back to make things less awkward. He thought I was going to lean back.

He blushes and then looks at my mouth. He knows I thought he was going to kiss me. "Sugar, " he says backing up with sugar in his hands. I nod and he awkwardly goes back to cooking.

Once he's done I follow him into the dining room and he puts my plate on in front of me. We sit down and I look at the pancakes. They look good. I'm not feeling hungry but I want to eat. After inspecting the pancakes I take a bite and chew it up. I'm sure it tastes good but I don't have much taste so it seems bland.

As I'm bringing the fork to my mouth I freeze as I see a roach on it. I throw it and Josh looks at me and then it. His eyes don't follow the roach that runs away. "What was on it?" He asks. Now on his plate, he has a bunch of worms in his pancakes.

"Nothing, " I say and pick up my fork. He then cuts a piece off and I watch him put worms in his mouth.

Immediately I cover my mouth and gag. "Are you okay?" He says getting up. He ate worms. What if I ate bugs? Ate bugs in my stomach? I rush to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. He comes in and rubs my back along with pulling some of my hair out of the way.

I flush it away and close it and sit. He grabs mouth wash and hands me it. I hate this, I just want to die. I put some in my mouth and spit it into the trash because I don't have the energy to go to the sink. "I'm fine, just go eat, " I say and he sits on the edge of the bath.

"I'm staying by your side, " he says and I give him a small smile. He tries too hard. He should go to eat and have fun, not have to take care of me. I know the bugs aren't real, its just so nasty to see him eat them or for me to eat them. What if one day there really is a bug on my food? I wouldn't know.

"Talk to me, " he says looking like he really wants me to talk to him...

"I want blankets, " I mumble and he gets up and comes over. I give him a confused look and he holds out his hand. I look at it for a second and then take it. He helps me up and then picks me up. Okay then. I cling on to him so I dont get dropped and he takes me to his room.

He sets me on the bed and starts wrapping me in a next of blankets. "My b-" I stop myself again. He looks at me curiously. He wants me to open up... I can open up a tiny...?

Is he going to judge me?

"Your what?" He asks.

"My uh, brother... He liked blankets, " I say shyly and he watches me like a hawk. But a nice hawk?

"Why?" He asks. I thought he was going to be surprised I had a brother.

"It's like a hug... And our parents didn't hug us much. He had really bad anxiety so he made me wrap him up as tight as I could, " I say feeling sadder and sadder as I talk.

Josh senses it and hugs me. "You must be a good brother. I assume older?" He asks but I shake my head. "He's older?" He asks because he thought I was saying I wasn't the older one.

"No, no. I'm older. But I'm a bad brother, " I say and he hugs me more.

"I'm sure that's not true. You are really good to Lee, " he says not believing me.

"I found lee on Facebook, I messaged him and maybe Friday I'll take him to get ice cream... But what if I freak out?" I say feeling depressed yet anxious.

"Do you want me to come to help you?" He asks and I nod. I would really like that.

"Good, just tell me when. When you figure everything out, " he says and plays with my hair. I look at the time to see he's going to have to leave for work soon.

I hum and let him comfort me. He doesn't seem to want to use me... I don't understand it but I appreciate it. Now I need to figure out how to get out of the friend zone...

Do you like the normal length of these chapters? This one is the shortest at 1630 words. Most are 2000+.

Oh and I'm fixing a car with my dad and if I keep working on my GED he'll give it to me. Ya boy is horrible at fixing cars btw. My poor nails...

My snap chat is babyboymatty if you want to add me ❤