ONE: Vanilla on My Hands

50: Frank Told Himself that He Wasn't Going to Cry Anymore

A/N: Book two will be up around this time tomorrow so keep an eye out for it!

Frank sat in the back of the tinted and darkened car, unfocused on anything around him as he was being driven. Part of him had wanted to protest and say that Gerard didn't need to do this for him, but Frank honestly didn't have the energy to fight his overly-persuasive boss. Mikey had completely ripped him apart and had broken him down so viciously. Gerard's driver remained silent in the front, following the orders he had been given; Frank was grateful for that. He sat where he always did and tried hard not to notice the unoccupied space beside him.

Frank had felt completely useless and, in a way, he still felt like he was nothing that anyone could want. Gerard had made a mistake and Frank believed it wholeheartedly. He wasn't what he thought he could be; he couldn't be the person that his Master expected of him. How could he even continue to lie and pretend? That wouldn't have been fair on Gerard and it wouldn't have been fair on himself either.

That's what hurt the most. He was so sure that he had been kidding himself the whole time since he signed the contract Gerard had given him. Frank believed that he had it in him to be the person that his Master wanted but the mention of Adam and the other previous submissives had Frank turning cold all the way to his bones. Mikey talked about him as though he was shit that Adam could have easily stood on and not cared in the slightest. He wasn't well behaved; Frank knew that he had annoyed Gerard more than once because he had disobeyed orders and felt so stupid. He wasn't cut out for any of this, he wasn't built the same as anyone that Gerard had owned beforehand.

Frank wiped his eyes dry of tears when he noticed that the car was slowing down and turning. He frowned and looked out of the car window to see the front of the house. Frank really didn't want to be here; he just wanted to be taken straight to the hotel so he could hit the minibar and drink until he couldn't feel the emotions that were ripping him apart from the inside out.

"Mr. Way requested that I should bring you here first," The driver piped up, catching Frank's attention, "So you can collect your things before I take you to the hotel."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Frank nodded, realizing that all he had on was the suit in which he had gone to work this morning. Frank was grateful for knowing that Lindsey was at the office today. He knew that if he saw her then he would probably break down on her and want nothing more than some form of comfort to stop himself from hurting so much. But she was linked with Gerard and Frank just needed the distance. He let himself into the house and shut the front door behind him, he didn't hang around to see if the maid was still in the house. He caught a glimpse of himself in the large mirror in the entranceway and knew that he looked like shit. His face was blotchy and red, his eyes swollen from crying. He looked like nothing other than a mess in an overpriced suit that he didn't even want to be in anymore. He climbed the stairs sullenly, heading straight for his room.

Frank noticed that the sheets had been changed on his bed; clearly the maid had come and gone. Frank tugged at his tie, loosening it from around his neck before he tossed it onto the bed. He couldn't bear to be dressed in Gerard's clothes any longer. In his head, it didn't feel right because maybe he never deserved any of this. Gerard had probably only done this to win him over, and won him over, it had. He rid himself of the suit as the same thoughts barreled through his head.

I'm not built for this. I'm not cut out for this. I'm just not what I thought I could be.

Frank walked into the expanse of his closet and pulled his suitcase from a high shelf. He dropped it on the floor, opening it up. He threw on one of his old t-shirts as he put his clothes into the suitcase; only his clothes. He didn't want anything that Gerard had given him. That was all part of the lifestyle that Frank couldn't think about right now. He didn't want any reminders, nor did he want Gerard to think that he would steal from him. None of this was his. The rows of expensive suits and casual clothes that Gerard had bestowed upon Frank, none of this was his. Frank couldn't bring himself to look over it all as he pulled on a pair of his own jeans and pushed his feet into his socks and sneakers.