The Girl With Five Watches

37: Doubt

The end of the semester was finally upon us. May crept up on every single one of us like a thief in the night. Our first year of college would be soon coming to an end.

"You think you'll end up winning that contest?" I asked Sara on a Tuesday while we sat together in English Class waiting for our professor to show up.

"I actually made the hard decision not to submit my novel. It just wasn't ready and I still haven't come up with an ending yet. Figured that there's always next year."

Half of me was proud of her while the other half was disappointed. Oh well. Maybe she was right Maybe there was next year. At least we had a wedding to look forward to this summer.

Who knew saying goodbye to your first-year college would be so hard? Saying goodbye to Roger was the hardest of all. It turned out that he wouldn't be returning next semester and had other plans. And I couldn't believe it when he rejected my offer of him being best man at the wedding. When I invited him to the wedding, he also claimed that he wouldn't be able to make it all together. But Karla was definitely going to be there and she certainly didn't hesitate to accept being a bridesmaid.

...

The night before the wedding, I found myself sleeping in a hotel room. Tomorrow we would be getting married. We were to be married in the afternoon at First North Baptist. The church that we had been going to together the past year. The pastor would be marrying us. As I laid in bed, my brain couldn't stop thinking. My heart couldn't stop racing. My body was sweating. It was beyond hot in the room. All I wanted to do was sleep, but it wasn't going to be happening. How I could sleep when one of the biggest days of my life would be happening? Was Sara sleeping? Did she feel the way I was feeling? Stepping out of bed, I pulled out my laptop and opened up Skype. Was Dr. Parker awake? Would he be up for talking? To answer that important question, he wasn't awake and wasn't able to pick up my Skype Call. Oh well. In a quick moment, my body landed itself outside walking on the streets. The streets were empty at midnight. Where would this walk take me? It was unclear. All I knew is that I needed to take a walk.

So where did I end up after my walk? The church where we were to be married. It took me by surprise to see how decorated it was. Dr. Parker had invested a lot of money into this wedding. Sitting in the empty and quiet church, all that was before me was the symbol of the cross and the man that laid upon it. All I could do was stare at it.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" asked the pastor who found a seat next to me. "You have a big day ahead of you." He paused and took a breath. "Jimmy and Sara Rider. Has a nice ring to it."

"Yeah, I know I should be in bed. But I can't sleep with everything on my mind. Tomorrow is literally the biggest day of our lives. I seriously can't believe that it's tomorrow. I'm freaking out a little."

"I know the feeling son." His holy hand placed itself on my shoulder. "Getting married is a terrifying experience. I spent the entire night throwing up in the toilet the eve of my wedding." He began chuckling with his eyes towards the front. "If you're nervous, it shows that you care."

A silence fell between us. I couldn't help but picture him spending an entire night throwing up in a toilet, but unfortunately, my mind could only picture him drunk.

"You know, I don't know what I did to deserve someone like Sara. Sometimes I feel like I did absolutely nothing to deserve her. With everything that I've gone through in my life and throughout this past year, I sometimes ask myself why she cared enough to help me through my darkness. If it wasn't for her, I sometimes think that I might've died that night Emily attacked my mind in the bathroom."

"You got a good point there son." He quickly pulled a small cross out of his pocket and handed it to me. "You know what that cross symbolizes? Everything you just told me. Do you realize how much of a blessing it is that you are still alive? Each day is a new day." He pulled out another small cross out of his pocket and took a look at it. "I don't deserve to be a pastor at this church. I did a lot of crazy things back in my youth. You know I spent a year in jail?" He had his eyes on me as I nodded no. "Worst year of my life." It became obvious that he was trying to hold in his tears. "But if anyone is truly blessed, it's Sara. Her heart barely works and yet she's living her life. That's a miracle if I ever saw one. It's amazing that the two of you found each other. It's a blessing. I honestly believe that there is something special planned for both of you. And I can tell that Sara knows this. There really is something truly special in this relationship that you guys share. And I'm blessed to be marrying you guys tomorrow.

"But what if God didn't want us together?" I couldn't believe that I asked that question. It's sometimes hard to think that God would want this after what happened to Emily."

"I completely understand your doubt. Believe me, everyone goes through this. These questions are important. But let me ask you this? If God didn't want you with Sara, would He have allowed you to meet her? Would He have allowed you to befriend and date her? Would He have allowed you to meet her father who was more than willing to help you fight your battles? Could you imagine dating anyone else? Karla perhaps? Would her father have done everything that Dr. Parker would've done for you?" The holy man joyfully sighed and smiled while just sitting there for a moment. "It's like you were placed in the right place at the right time."

The pastor had some valid points. Unlike me, he was tired and was ready to lock up the church for the night. I followed him out into the heat with the cross in my hand.

"Get some sleep son." With that, he left me there.

Still holding the cross, my eyes studied it as I thought about everything that had happened this past year. Sara really was a blessing. Why was I worried? With the few hours that were left of the night, I was able to find sleep.

There is no doubt that you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading. Remember to comment, vote, and share!

Should Jimmy be worried about the wedding?

Does the pastor seem to have a lot of wisdom?