The Other Side Of Friendship

Chapter 19

The gentle air whistled into my ear but my mind failed to react to it. I know I had been walking towards the door to my house but I felt so lost.

My eyes were open and I could see the pathway very clearly but I was zoned out. The face of Alex was the only thing in my head and I did not understand what I felt.

A part of me wanted to smile over what happened, while a part of me wanted to slap myself for ruining my friendship, for laying hands on someone who doesn't belong to me and  worse, for cheating on Jared. But no, I could not blame myself alone. It was her who kissed me first.

Why did she kiss me when she has Jared? And why did I kissed her back? I asked a lot of questions but those were answered by questions.

''Mew?'' I heard a bewildering voice and I realized I was home already when the bright light from the ceiling flashed down at me.

I had never been this  stress in my life before.

''You're back bro?'' I heard Hill's voice as she looked at me suspiciously.

''Where are your stuffs?'' Mum asked sounding a bit worried pondering whether she should come to me or not. I was not ready for any kind of conversation hence I answered them that Alex was bringing it for me the next day.

''Did you have fun?'' Mum asked again.

''I'm tired.'' I showed them my exhausted face and hit upstairs to my room.
I needed a hot shower to clear off my mind.

''Are you alright honey?'' Mum finally followed me half way as I ascended the stairs.

I looked back at her and reassured her that I was fine and that all I wanted was a shower.

I peacefully unlocked the door to my room and rushed inside quickly, grabbing a towel and directly went inside the attached bathroom to clean the mess I had in me.

I relaxed myself on the bathtub as hot water kept rinsing my body. The taste of water felt good and excruciating but it did not clear the mess inside of me.

I wondered what Alexis could be thinking at the moment. Did she regretted it? She seemed confident about the kiss and showed no guilt or remorse on her face. Maybe, it was not a mistake. Maybe, it had been something she wanted to do like she said. Even then, how possibly did I just lost myself in her touch? Did I have such feelings for her? The questions ate me up. I felt like I was in a vine that could never be untagled, poisons in my brain and the path I was taking seemed all  blurry.

I spent like an hour in the bathtub and finally slipped into my pyjama leaving my wet clothes on the floor. I did not care how mess the room looked but simply thrived for the bed.

My hair was dripping wet but I was strengthless to even join the happy family with my downhearted mind, hence I laid down on the bed.

My inner peace went missing as I recalled the day and pain erupted. I had lost my two bestfriends again, on the same day and this time, everything about me felt dirty.

I became annoyed with my life. The disorders and the messes in my life all because of Alex and Gulf. Were we even friends? I agitated. Why does it have to be me to get hurt all the time when all I did was care about them. Did I care a little too much about them? I no longer even felt like we were friends. What are we exactly? I thought aloud.

A knocked on my door awakened my consciousness again. I feared it was Alexis, probably there to set things right. With much hope, I began to walk towards the door, hoping that she would say something to make me feel all better. I needed her to apologise and say like it was a mistake.