A Court of Dark and Decay

Chapter 16-Descent

Would it be worth it?

All this fuss, all this time and energy, these new people, this stress- spent on what?

Spent on a girl with no purpose, no reason to continue.

Spent on a scared child, unable to cope with the cards she's been dealt.

Nesta stood just inside the door, which Jaida had shut so carefully behind her.

Tiptoeing. Everyone was tiptoeing around her. So careful, not because she was something precious like Elain or important like Feyre.

Because she was dangerous. Because she was unpredictable and they were afraid of that.

Of her.

Even Cassian. Careful not to be caught staring. Careful to keep three steps behind.

Obedient, quiet, calm. In trying to appease her, he had changed everything that made him himself. Everything that sparked the fire in his eye had to be squndered just so she could breathe around him.

She had made him snuff out his flame, the whisps of smoke left curling around her heavy heart.

She really was a monster.

Monsters had no place in this world. Didn't deserve a place in this world.

Something snapped in her palm, her skin breaking from her fingernails digging into the soft flesh.

Nesta unclenched her fists, dark blood already seeping from the crescent shaped wounds.

She didn't want to feel it, the pain, but she did. She always did.

Nesta was an expert at numbing her feelings, though.

She just needed a little help. Just one more time. One more.

Nesta looked around the room, eyes landing on the small reading nook, specifically to the shelf just past it.

Just as she had suspected, just as was set up at her own apartment, there was 'decorative' wine bottles on the shelves, working ats bookends.

Nesta felt a small drip of blood run down her fingertip as she stalked toward the shelf.

She knew she had a problem, she knew this wasn't a way to cope and it would only make things worse.

But she had no other choice.

Her life had become a series of moments Nesta wanted to forget. She didn't drink because she enjoyed it.

She drank to forget. To dull, to mull, to stop the constant scream in her soul. Alcohol was the only thing that could do that for her.

The bottle clinked against the dark wood as Nesta pulled it from the shelf. She didn't look at the label. Didn't care what kind it was, what the proof was, how old it was.

She pulled the cork with a twist of her wrist and took a long, deep drink.

Bitter, dark red wine. It was sharp, dazzling her thraot as it went down. Already the silence settled inside of her.

Nesta wiped her bloody hands on her dress, the pain from her nail marks fading as the warmth spread from her throat.

She walked back over to the door, leaning agaisnt it with her back. Sliding down until she was sitting on the floor, Nesta took another sip.

It was barely mid- morning. She should have cared. She didn't though, as she swallowed the dark red liquid down.

Nesta leaned her head back against the door and let one hot heavy tear fall down her face.