Irondad Oneshots

Sleep Deprivation Delirium

"Where's Peter?" Tony asked he hurried into the kitchen.

"He's been in his room since he got home. Why?" Natasha asked, not sure what was happening and not liking the not knowing.

"Ned called me and said he almost passed out and he looks exhausted." Tony explained as he hurried to his kid's room.

"Hey, you alright kid?" Tony asked as he walked into Peter's room and saw him on his floor wearing Mickey Mouse ears from their Disney trip, a bow tie, and gloves.

"Ned told you?" He asked, tossing bouncing balls across his room one by one.

"He did." Tony sighed, sitting down on the floor beside his son. "What're you doing?"

"Ya know, just existing." Peter shrugged before taking the mouse ears off his own head and placing them on Tony.

Tony smiled. "Does this make you happy?"

"Yeah." Peter said, becoming deliriously loopy. "You look like a mouse."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, when's the last time you slept, kiddo?"

"What's today?"

"Thursday."

"Oh. So, if it's Thursday and I'm wearing pants and orange is a color, let's see...Uh, carry the two....I last slept on Monday."

Tony's eyes bulged. "Peter. Sleep!"

"I just, I don't think humans need sleep. You know, we evolve. We're an evolving species and I don't think sleep is required anymore."

Tony blinked, not sure how to respond. "Uhm, okay so, that's not accurate. How about you lay down in bed and close your eyes?"

Peter stood up and flopped onto his bed, closing his eyes and smiling.

"Whatcha smiling for?" Tony asked amusedly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm excited."

"For what?"

"For to sleep."

"I'm excited for you to sleep, too."

Peter opened his eyes and sat up. "Do you think if Scott got squashed when he was ant-sized, he would be squished forever or would he just die? Go splat like a bug."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Like when you get run over by a big car in Mario Kart and you're just squashed but still driving?"

"Put your head on the pillow and close your eyes." Tony said, pushing Peter back down.

"When I become an adult, the first thing I want to do is go legal skydiving."

"Have you gone illegal skydiving before?"

"Just once but it's a secret. Clint said if I don't tell, everything's fine."

"Okay then." Tony took a deep breath. "Listen, you need to sleep. I'm not kidding, close your eyes."

"I made a deal with a pigeon on patrol last week. He won't poop on me and I will feed him half of every churro I ever eat." Peter continued, delirious in his exhausted state.

"Wonderful." Tony sighed.

"Do you ever consider me to be like a candle?"

"What?"

"The light of your life but might also burn the house down."

"I'm going to sedate you."

"No you aren't. Big man in a suit of armor, take that away you're just a dad who wouldn't drug his child to sleep."

"You're wrong."

"I don't think so."

"Guess what?"

"What!?" Peter asked excitedly.

"Yesterday I was working with Bruce in the lab. We were trying to make a new faceplate for my suit. We cut the metal, made sure it fit, put it on, made sure it would stay. Then we moved on to unassembling the leg piece. We undid one screw, another one, and another one, and another one....." he stopped and looked at Peter, who was sleeping now. Tony smiled to himself as he stood up to leave. "You can always count on a dad to bore you to sleep."

He flicked off the lights and took a final glance at his son before leaving the room.