Love Me Then (Then Series #1)

Chapter 41

Chapter 41 

Regret

It's been days at madalas pumupunta pa din ako sa chapel to check to Tita Shae if she was fine. After watching that video I didn't have a chance to talk to Gray dahil bukod sa tinutulungan niya si Tita Shae dito hindi niya rin ako tinitingnan man lang. He's avoiding me. 

"My daughter Sheena, I hope you're happy there with your Daddy." umiiyak na sabi ni Tita Shae. Andito kami sa sementeryo to say our last goodbye to Sheena. Tita Shae was crying so hard kaya naiiyak na din ako. Gray was just quiet pero nakikita ko din namang nasasaktan siya. Oh god, Sheena sana lumaban ka pa din... My love is broken. 

It was Gray's turn to talk at nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. There is no emotions on his face. At parang unti-unti din akong pinapatay sa nakikita ko. I don't have a space in his life anymore. Like what he said nakita niya yung halaga ni Sheena dahil sa pag-iwan ko sa kanya sa pagsabi kong hindi ko na siya mahal. I do have regret Gray... I always have regrets.And that was saying that I don't love you. How can I be true to myself now. Wala na ako sa buhay niya. He don't need me anymore. 

"Sheena was the great girl that I've met siya yung babaeng hindi agad susuko pag gusto niya yung isang bagay at nakita ko yun. And I regret not seeing her worth from the very start.  Like what she said I was crazy to a girl na hindi ko pa naman kilala. Before she died she always tell me sorry like sorry if hindi ko na kaya lumaban, sorry kung maiiwan ko na kayo laging ganun... But the last sorry she said..." tumingin siya sa'kin hindi ko iniwas yung lumuluhang mata ko sa kaniya. Hindi niya inalis yung paningin sa'kin at nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. 

"Sorry if your safe place need to leave you because of me... That was the last apology that she said. And I regret I didn't answer her apology. I hope you're happy there Sheena and don't worry I will take care of your Mom hindi mo na ako kailangan dalawin." he laugh but not genuine. I wipe my tears pero tuloy-tuloy pa din sila sa pagbagsak. 

What would be his answer to her apology then? That it was fine kasi hindi ko naman siya mahal at doon niya nakita halaga ni Sheena. I feel my brother's hand on my shoulder I look at him and give a small smile. 

Unti-unti ng umaalis yung mga tao after the burial. My family also left at si Kuya na lang yung kasama ko dito. Gray is still sitting on the chair and so I am but I saw him holding an envelope. Nawala lang yung atensyon ko kay Gray ng lumapit sa'kin si Tita Shae holding the same envelope like what Gray is holding. She gave me a small smile at inabot sa'kin yun. Tinanggap ko yun still confused why she's giving this to me. Magtatanong pa lang sana ako ng bigla niya ng niyaya si Kuya na umalis kaya kami ni Gray ang naiwan dito. 

I look at the envelope and I saw my name there. It's from Sheena. I look at the spot where Sheena is buried. I bite my lower lip to stop myself from crying while opening the envelope. Maybe Sheena want me to read this here kaya iniwan kami nila Kuya. I open the envelope hindi ko pa man nababasa nag uunahan ng lumabas yung mga luha ko pero pinigilan ko pa din para mabasa ko na maayos yung letter. 

Dear Zaira, 

Pag nabasa mo 'to wala na ako. I made a video of me saying thank you and sorry to you para naman narinig mo pa din akong mag thank you at mag apologize. But I'm gonna repeat it here. I'm sorry for being selfish. Nasaktan kayong dalawa ni Gray dahil sa'kin so I'm sorry. Gusto kong bawiin lahat ng sinabi ko ng makita kitang umiyak ng gabing yun and how I saw Gray crying so hard for the first time. Doon ko lang siya nakitang umiyak ng ganun. That time I regret for ruining your perfect relationship kaya sinabi ko sa sarili ko na magpapagaling ako at hahanapin ka at aayusin ang relasyon na nasira ko. Pero hindi nakaayon sa'kin ang tadhana dahil hindi niya ako hinayaang gumaling. That's why I'm making this letter to make everything right.