My Rebellious Soul. [Kim Teahyung FF]

Fate.

"Unnie!" Lilian yelled bringing me back to earth, all of them looking at me worriedly. I blinked a few times, realized that I was sitting among actual people. "I called your name so many times" Susan laughed. "Yeah.. I was thinking about something" I said as I tried to clear my thoughts.

Lilian grabbed my hands, "come on I want to show you something." She ushers me through the hallway to her room, so much excited she was, it made me a little nervous. Soon I was standing with her outside her bedroom.The room brightened as Lilian switched on the lights. Her room was filled with paintings, canvases, paints and many other stuff. "It looks like storage room" I said blankly, trying to swallow the lump forming deep in my throat.

     Ignoring my remark, she picked up a canvas, a beautiful scenery painted on it, "I finally learned to paint Unnie" she said proudly. I grabbed the canvas from her hands, gently, took in every single detail, it was painted beautifully. I turned my head towards her, she was waiting for me to speak, to praise, a big idiotic grin plastered on her face. "You improved a lot Lilian-ah" I patted her head, unfortunately that was all I could say, not because she didn't do good enough, the painting was perfect. The only problem was the way, the environment I was raised in.

"Really? Thanks Unnie!" she giggled.

Once again my eyes scanned the room, I once wanted my room to be the same. Lilian showed me many other paintings and sketches, telling me how difficult it was and how much time she spend on them. But the only thing I was really paying attention to was the urge to draw and paint like her. My fingers were aching to touch those beautiful brushes and color pencils.

5 years ago, I locked all my dreams and desires in a box and threw it away in an ocean of agony to be the person my family wanted me to be, at least I tried. But I become someone neither me or my family had ever imagined. I had many dreams, many ideas... but they were crushed one by one by my own parents.

God gave me a creative mind, l was naturally good at drawing and painting. Whenever I had a pen in my hand, I won't even realize how and when my hand moved to make a beautiful picture. My cousins envied me because they weren't that good even after taking arts classes. But my mom and dad hated it and always taunted me.

They said, I was wasting my time with such useless thing..

I was good at playing football and some other games but it was also a no.

Interested in politics but no. Fashion designer, no. I wanted to learn judo and wrestling but no. I only heard no, no and no. The word 'no' burnt everything inside of me and it increased to me burning the world outside of me. My mother always said I do nothing and when she was young. She learned embroidery, sew clothes and some other stuff.

So to impress her, I learned embroidery and sew clothes. But you know what she said? 'Sarah why are you wasting your time on these things, focus on your studies.'

"You are a girl Sarah, are you out of your mind? I can't believe it, you want to learn judo? Have you seen Niome and Zoe, how graceful are they."

"Amber learned to cook rice" aunt Aera said proudly as my mother gave me side glances. But I knew how to cook many more things then just rice, my mother never taught how to cook, I learned it on my own.

I would clean the house so that she would say, 'you did a great job Sarah.' Or maybe well done would have been fine too. But no, my ears craved for listening those small unspoken words, that would have changed so many things that we all regret now. She never appreciated me or encouraged me and as for my dad. He never really talked to me. My daddy dearest changed I don't even remember when.

   Maybe I was 11 or 12, when he stopped talking to me. Before that his love for me was unconditional. The reasons of the distance between included my grandmother, her daughter Katherine and then Katherine's two daughters and two sons, lastly my bad reaction to the way distant himself from me and my lust to have his full attention.