Scribbles and Bits: Blackpink OS Compilation

Begin Again

A. N

Story is inspired from Taylor Swift's Begin Again song. *finger-crossed I hope I did justice.

Jennie

10:12:AM, Wednesday, Seoul, South Korea

I heave a heavy sigh in front of my full-body mirror, holding up my probably 18th outfit and made a dissatisfied look. I glance over my bed and see the mountains of clothes I have tried on but I didn’t see fit for the occasion and it only made me feel a little more frustrated.

Dragging my heavy feet towards the closet, I rummage for yet another outfit and put my finger under my chin. I roam my eyes on the rows of hangered clothes and thought to myself ‘What are you doing, Jennie?’ I looked up and closed my eyes and willed myself to suck it up like a big girl and get through this day.

As I pull my head down and open my eyes, they landed on a cardigan that I haven’t worn for quite some time so I take it out and went back towards the mirror.

Wearing each sleeve on both arms with my white shirt, I fix my outfit and stand straight. I look at my reflection and think that this outfit will do.

I was about to step out from the looking glass when I paused and looked at myself, but this time, I wasn’t just looking, I am trying to see myself again. I still have the same feline-like eyes, same Korean complexion, my nose still looks the same, I still got that freckle under my left brow, my cheeks are still like that of a dumpling.
‘Okay, Try to smile.’

I did. And there. That’s where I saw the difference.

My phone vibrates on top of the dresser, shaking me out my thoughts. I walk to it and saw a message from my bestfriend.

Nayeon: 'Are you ready?'

I sent her a quick reply with: "I guess?"

‘Am I? How long has been? 8 months? This is the first time I’ll try to go out and be “out there”. Am I ready for that again?’

I swiftly moved back to the mirror for a last check and did a quick retouch on my lip tint and hurriedly walk to my shoe closet.

Sneakers, Chucks, trainers, leather boots, high heels and more line up when I opened my closet. I may have quite a collection but I do have my favorites.

Nayeon mentioned her friend is kind of tall.  ‘Should I try match her height at least?’

As I was eagerly trying on some high heels, I zoned out as flashbacks came without warning.

I closed my eyes and took deep a breath, ‘Do not go there, Jennie. She is not him. He’s out of the picture now’.

It’s as if I was having a little tug-of-war on whether to wear or not to wear those high heels as the memory shook me. But I won over my inner demon and that made me happy with that little victory.

Time check, I'll be meeting her in an hour.

Her.

It almost sounds so..... foreign to me.

Without letting my inner musings linger any further, I grab my bag, my phone and my car keys and go for the door.

****

Driving along the streets of Seoul, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is getting worse. I distract myself by turning on the player and Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift plays on shuffle. I can’t help but smile because of the song at the same time the butterflies in my stomach is still there so I stiffly nod my head along with the melody and tap my fingers on the steering wheel as I make the turn on the corner.