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Chapter 44- Depois de

When I wake up Alannah was still fast to sleep. I kiss her forehead and keep cuddling her.

Its the simple moments like this you miss when your trapped away from your child.

I didn't sleep well but I didn't mind as it was nice to watch Alannah sleep peacefully.

It still hurts me so much that Jax could accuse me of such things. But I cried about it for six days when Jax had me trapped away. As of right now I can't break anymore. Alannah cannot see me cry, I don't want her to think theres something wrong. So I need to act strong for me and like they say 'fake it till you make it right'.

When Alannah wakes up we head downstairs as she complains she's hungry. We head into the dinning room but it was empty. I pick Alannah up and we head into the kitchen where Nicole and David were stood in silence drinking coffee.

"Good morning." I say smiling slightly at them.

"Uh morning sweetheart. I uh haven't made anything today. So theres cereal or toast or I can make you something if you want." Nicole asks and I shake my head.

"We'll be fine with cereal." I say grabbing the cereal and some bowls out.

I fill up Alannah's and then put a spoon in the bowl and give it to her. I help her eat some then eat some of my own.

"What times will James be here?" I ask and Nicole looks over to David.

"He doesn't land till tonight." David says and I nod.

"So I have to wait till tomorrow to see James?" Alannah asks sounding devastated. She climbs into my lap whilst I eat some cereal.

"Unfortunately kiddo." David says and she sighs.

"At least I have mommy now." She says and I nod and lean down to kiss her.

My baby.

After breakfast Alannah wouldn't stay with Nicole and David she wanted to be at my side the whole time.

So I had to close the lid on the toilet and give Alannah some toys to play with whilst I showered.

Once I got out of the shower, I blow dry my hair. I then straighten my hair in attempt to make me feel better. I get dressed in to some grey joggers and a black tank top.

Once I was dressed I take Alannah back into the bathroom where I wash her face and brush her teeth.

I take her back into our room and choose out a yellow dress and some black tights.

"Beautiful." I say kissing her cheek. I sit her on my desk whilst I quickly make the bed.

Once we were done in my bedroom we went downstairs into the living room, where David and Nicole were.

"Do you have a specific film you want to watch?" David asks and I look at Alannah.

"Frozen." She squeals and I smile at her and kiss her cheek.

After we watch Frozen I sat Alannah in my lap as I played with her hair. She was playing with some of her doc mcstuffins toys.

I ended up braiding her hair as she needed to wash it. But I wasn't going to wash it till tomorrow, because I didn't want to screw up our routine anymore.

I felt a bit lost with out my phone. It's still in my car which is probably still at my mom's house. I never asked what happened to my mom and I can't act like I don't care because I do.

My mom was still a good mom to me and I love her, shes my mom. But I can't look at her the same and everytime I look down at Alannah it breaks my heart.