Chapter 31: And The World Stops

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Everything stops when I finally see him.

The nurse rolls him in, Colby following close behind. I immediately start smiling, then the tears come. I wipe them away quickly as she sets him up.

"Are you ready?" She asks me. I nod, my tears still breaking through.

She picks him up, laying him on my chest. He stares up at me as I look down at him.

"Hey baby boy." I laugh, kissing his forehead. The nurse excuses herself and she leaves the room. I can feel Colby beside me.

"He looks just like you." He tells me, placing his hand on his head.

"No he's definitely all you." I smile and look up at him. His eyes stay on mine as he smiles back.

That's the same smile that drew me in. The same smile that I'll be seeing for many more years. The smile that makes my stomach jump and my heart flutter.

Instead of breaking eye contact we continue to stare. I feel the need to lean in, and place my lips on his, but I'm scared. I'm scared I'll let myself feel. I'm scared I'll allow myself to fall for him again. After everything.

I cave in, leaning towards him. He does the same. Our eyes stay on each other, until he finally closes the space. Our lips touch softly. We stay connected for a couple seconds before he pulls away. I frown from the feeling of losing him. His forehead stays on mine. He leans away from me. I open my eyes and see him looking away, rubbing his face. I frown again, looking away from him and back down to Cain.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. He already regrets it.

I can feel the tears welp up but I blink them away. I didn't want to act weak. I've been weak this whole time, I don't want to be anymore.

"No, no." His hand turns my face to him. "I loved it." He smiles. I smile back.

"But, I'm not good for you, Amara." He frowns.

"Colby, we had a baby. I think it's a little too late for that." I laugh but only to hide the hurt.

"Listen, Mar, I love you so much. I love that you're the one who had my baby. I love that you never gave up on me. I love that you continued to be strong even when you were scared. I love you, okay? I love Cain." He looks down to him, touching his cheek, "but I don't deserve you. I don't deserve a person as amazing as you." He looks back to me. I frown and nod my head, looking back at Cain.

A knock on the door causes me and Colby to both look. "Come in!" I yell.

The door opens and my nurse comes in with a smile. "Are you ready to try breast feeding?" She asks me.

My eyes widen and I smile. "Y-yeah," I tell her.

She nods and comes over to me, Colby moves out the way.

"Okay just know that the first time is going to be a bit tricky. He might not latch but it's okay, that's why we practice." She laughs. She unbuttons my gown. Colby turns around, I roll my eyes at his immaturity.

She pulls it down, then takes Cain and places him closer to my chest. I position him and put my nipple near his mouth. His lips smack for a moment before he finally opens his mouth and takes it. I laugh and caress his face with my thumb. "Wow! I've never seen a baby latch that quickly, little guy was ready wasn't he?" The nurse laughs.

"It's such a weird feeling." I laugh. I look at Colby, his arms are crossed as he rolls back and forth on his heels, facing the wall.

"You can turn around, there's no nipples out." I laugh. He turns around with his lips pressed.

"I feel like I shouldn't look." He tells me.

The nurse laughs, "Alright, when you're ready to have the rest of your visitors, you're more than welcome to invite them in. You guys have an amazing night." She tells us before leaving the room.

I look back at Cain, his suckles fill the room.

I see Colby come closer. He looks down at Cain and smiles. "It looks so weird." His head turns. I laugh and feel my cheeks heat up. It is a little weird having him just stare at my boobs.

"It feels weird." I laugh.

"They're bigger than I remember." He tells me, staring deeply at my breast.

"Perv." I laugh. Cain lets go and Colby head whips away.

His face scrunches as he begins to wine. I frown and cover myself, moving him vertically in my arms. Colby looks back with a frown. He begins crying. I bounce him on my shoulder as I burp him, shushing him quietly.

"Maybe he needs a diaper change?" Colby says. I nod, but not actually certain.

"Here, I'll do it." Colby reaches out. I hand him Cain. He walks over to the table and unwraps him from his swaddle. He unbuttons the white onesie, then takes his diaper off. "Definitely peed." He tells me, his face turns to disgust. I laugh quietly. He wipes him clean and quickly puts another diaper on him. My mouth opens in shock because of how fast he does it. He buttons him back up, then swaddles him like it was nothing. My eyebrows furrow. I've been practicing for weeks and I'm no where near being that fast.

He picks Cain back up, bouncing him. He turns around with a smile on his face as he stops crying. "Who's ready to meet the fam?"

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