Love Me

Chapter 37

Once i had calmed down some i wiped my eyes and went back downstairs to spend time with everyone and apologize for what happened.

"I'm so sorry...You guys shouldn't have seen that..." I apologized as soon as i was in the same room with everyone. I'm so embarrassed right now, it's one thing to be talked down to like that in front of just Chris....it's completely different to be talked that way in front of all of our families and friends, and even Ashton! It's humiliating.

"Has he been like that to you this whole time?" Jake asked looking at me in concern.

"He's been talking to me like that...But he hadn't gotten physical except for today.." I said looking down at the ground and shrugging. Nobody knows half the things he's said to me, i've told them about stuff that involved Lily but i didn't really tell them the things him and Chris would say to me.

"I hate to say this, because i love my son and everyone knows that...But why are you still putting up with it?" Beth asked looking at me with concern and worry in her eyes.

"Because i just wanted to help him, i wanted to help him get better, but i'm starting to realize that no matter how much help i get him i can't fix him if he doesn't want to be fixed. I've stuck around this long because i wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her father, i thought him being around Lily would help... But i can't do it anymore....He's progressively getting worse and worse and more violent and i can't have my baby around that. I can't risk him going into one of his violent and angry episodes and him hurting her.. I can't keep living like this..." I felt myself shaking with my overwhelmed emotions and i burst into tears again.

I feel like such a terrible person because i'm not going to allow my daughter around him anymore until he gets help and changes, and for more than a few weeks. I don't want that for her. I don't want her around that kind of behavior.

"I'm so sorry... I tried helping him.... I really did but i can't keep trying to be there for him and getting him the help he needs because he's only breaking me in the process." His family came over and brought both Lily and I into a group hug.

"Nobody blames you, sweetheart. Nobody is going to be mad at you for doing what is best for you and that baby. We know how much you care about Colby, and we know how much you want to help him.. But like you said you can't continue trying to fix him when he's not ready to be fixed. You can't continue to try to heal him when he's only breaking you in the process." Beth said softly, pulling back and gently caressing my cheek.

"Sis...I hate to say this but you need to get a restraining order on him for both you and Lily. He's become violent and explosive, and he's already gotten physical with you....It's only going to escalate from there.." Carter said looking at me with nothing but concern for me and his niece.

"I know.." I whispered. I hate the thought of doing that, but it needs to be done. He scared the shit out of me today, he was so angry, and that look in his eyes terrified me... I know that i have to do this..Not just for myself but for Lily.. He shoved me when i was holding her...She could have been seriously hurt if i would have fell if Ashton hadn't have been there to catch me..

"Momma!" Lily exclaimed. I looked over at my little girl, and when she noticed i was crying she lifted her little hand and wiped the tears away and her bottom lip started trembling.

"Don't cry, sweet girl. Momma's okay." I placed a soft kiss to her forehead and took a deep breath. I need to get it together, she doesn't need to see me like this..I need to be strong for her.