It is a constant uphill climb for Siorah Katha, a young Jedi, intent on making it to the top. She just wants to find her place. To belong. The only thing standing in her way? Anakin Skywalker. A hotheaded, stubborn, frustratingly arrogant partner th...
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Senator Amidala awaits us next to the cruiser that we'll be taking to Naboo. Anakin has had time to shower and change into another set of clothes in the thirty minutes that passed after we went our separate ways but I've been busy on the loading deck. I assist some clones in loading our cargo onto the ship; extra clothes, weapons, and supplies fill the cargo bay.
Near the boarding ramp, Anakin and the Senator are conversing when I finally approach them. Anakin's heart betrays him to me once again, the flittering energy of his affection filling my senses. I shake it off, irked by the Jedi's feelings.
"Siorah, are you prepared for take-off?" Anakin asks.
"I always am," I reply, "Senator Amidala, let us know if there's anything we can do to make this trip more comfortable."
"Please, call me Padme," The Senator smiles.
"Padme." I nod my head, "We're ready when you are."
The flight to Naboo is mainly uneventful. C-3PO and R2-D2 were left behind in Coruscant and I can sense Anakin's disappointment that his favorite droids are not joining us. He sits on the main deck of the ship, his eyebrows creased as though lost in thought, and I stand across the room, leaning against the wall, wondering what it is he could be so worried about. For a moment, I feel guilty about how angry I was with him earlier.
As children, Anakin and I were always competing for the top spot among the Younglings. His constant praise for being so in-tune with the Force bothered me so much that I did everything I could to be at least second to him. He grew up sheltered, a bit old for the Jedi training programs, and treated more leniently than the rest of us were. The coddling I watched him receive hardened me. It made me fight to be better.
I admit, just because he was allowed to get away with more doesn't mean he isn't a skilled fighter. There was a time when I really admired that skill and natural determination he had, that was until he became a self-absorbed prick. His sense of the Force is strong and he's perceptive, but his arrogance gets in his way.
Still, even with how proud he is and how much it gets on my nerves, I regret losing my temper with him. He's only ever really had one person to confide in and trust, and that is his master Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Anakin, I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier. It wasn't fair to you," I begin, walking over to rest against the wall beside him, "I don't want to start this mission off as enemies."
He doesn't look up from the floor, he just nods. I make a face. Is he really not going to say anything?
"It's unfortunate that 3PO and R2 couldn't join us," I try again.
He breathes out heavily. "Has Padme retired to her chambers?"
"Oh," I'm surprised by the question, "Yes. She's in her room."
"Great. I'm going to check on her," He says, standing up and beginning to leave.
I furrow my brows. "Are you really not going to say anything? I just tried to apologize to you."
"Yeah, and I don't need to hear it. Apologies are just a way to back out of decisions one has made. Don't try and go back on something after you've said it."
"Wow," I scoff, "You know what, remind me to never try talking to you again. You are incapable of having a decent conversation."
Anakin spins around and walks towards me suddenly, backing me up against the wall. "No, Siorah, you are incapable of speaking to me without finding something negative to comment on. And when you make those comments, comments you say with such intention, you almost always break and take it all back." He's very close now, practically towering over me. I can smell the earthy scent of his aftershave. "If you're going to say something to me, make sure you mean it."
He storms off towards where Padme is on the deck below us. I stand there, shocked, for a moment. My heart is banging against the inside of my chest and I breathe out slowly, pushing away from the wall and heading towards my room. He's right, though it irks me to say it. I'm quick to criticize and pull apart people's faults.
When I picture Anakin in my head, he's strong and unphased by the opinions of those around him.
I've always known him to deflect negative comments as easily as a lightsaber deflects blaster fire, but the longer I think about it, the more I realize that it's been a long time since Anakin has been praised. I feel the tug of guilt again, in my chest. It must be hard having to deal with the weight of everyone else's expectations.
I change into my nightclothes and let my hair down. While climbing into bed, I push the argument out of my head. Tomorrow will be better. I will keep my cool and focus on the tasks ahead. Keeping Padme Amidala safe.
