It is a constant uphill climb for Siorah Katha, a young Jedi, intent on making it to the top. She just wants to find her place. To belong. The only thing standing in her way? Anakin Skywalker. A hotheaded, stubborn, frustratingly arrogant partner th...
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That night, I can't manage to sleep at all. I stare up at the white ceiling in my room, unable to bring myself to look at the time, unable to close my eyes. I don't know what to do. Anakin has unraveled everything I had built up over the years and now I cannot escape the sense of panic and fear that is gripping me in the darkness.
I cannot sleep because every time I close my eyes, I begin to cry. This is not who I am. Usually, I hold my emotions on a tight leash, never showing too much or getting distracted because of my personal feelings. I've worked so hard to keep that up, to harden myself, and be the warrior that would make my masters and my peers proud. But Anakin Skywalker has broken through all of that.
Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be now? Why can't I just push it away like I do with everything else? My ceremony is in a few hours and I haven't been able to get Anakin's stupid, angry, heartbroken face out of my head. I don't know how we'll be able to complete our ceremonies together, or how anything will ever be the same. It's useless trying to deny that no matter what, he will know my feelings, and I will know his. That is the curse of the Force. Your thoughts are not your own.
When the sun finally peeks over the skyline of Coruscant, splashing on my wall with deep orange light, I sit up.
My face feels rough from the tears that have long dried.
Outside my chambers, a set of ceremonial clothes have been left, folded with care, for me to wear today. I lay them on my bed, finding peace in the simple detailing of each item. Jedi are usually so modest in our clothing but these pieces are celebratory.
The simple, deep green halter-neck dress, made of the softest material I have ever worn, is decorated with thin gold thread. The dress has two long slits on each side that end at the hip, meant to reveal the white pants worn underneath. It is an honor to wear these clothes.
In the mirror, I make sure my face is clean and my hair has been pulled back. This is the last day I will wear a Padawan braid. I twist it around my fingers and smile, thinking fondly of the years I've worn it.
So much hard work has gone into bringing myself to this stage of my life. I still remember the days I would fumble my lightsaber, or I would take a hit during training and pull myself to my feet, spitting blood and ready for more.
Behind the scenes, training to become a Jedi is a lot more grueling than any outsider could ever imagine. I used to train till my muscles seized and I went back to my chambers, covered in scrapes and bruises. But it was all worth it just to see my teachers smile and praise me.
I've grown up. I've scaled every obstacle in front of me with the desire to do better, run farther, work harder, so why not this one? Why am I being so sensitive about what's happened with Anakin? I know I'm better than this.
I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and smile at myself. I will get through today with strength, and grace, and enough courage to make the Jedi Masters of the past proud. I will deal with Anakin another day.
I make my way up to the Tranquility Spire, a sacred place for meditation, so that I can begin the first part of my ceremony.
Friends pass me in the halls, nodding at me encouragingly and I do my best to grin back. Socializing is frowned upon before I begin my meditation as I'm to head on this journey alone, but I can't help giving in to the nostalgia and comfort I feel when I see old classmates.
Some of them have already been knighted, they place their hands on my shoulder proudly. I say nothing on my way.
I enter the spire and sit in the middle of the room, crossing my legs and resting my hands gently on my knees. This place is ancient. Not just in its architecture or the age-old paintings that cover the walls, telling stories of the first Jedi, but also in the energy that flows here. It floods my entire body and I exhale slowly, letting go of everything that has been weighing me down.
The door behind me opens and I know it's Anakin, come to do his meditation as well. I stay completely still, my back to him, and ignore the way his pulse jumps when he sees me.
He takes a seat, facing away from me, and we stay there. Silent and focused. At least he's dedicated to the ceremony; I can't sense any distraction from him. I allow myself a minute to become in tune with his energy, what he's feeling, and what his body is telling me. He's relaxed, his heart has finally stopped thudding against his ribs, and there is nothing but focus coming from him.
I cannot fight the fact that I feel comforted in his presence, like being around him helps me settle further into meditation.
Around us, a number of Jedi enter the room, their presence fitting in with the tranquility of this spire.
"Siorah Katha, rise," I hear Master Yoda say before me. My eyes fly open and I climb to my feet. The Council surrounds me, along with Adi Gallia and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Behind me, Anakin stands and falls to the back of the room, watching silently.
Master Yoda continues, "We are all Jedi. The Force speaks through us. Through our actions, the Force proclaims itself and what is real. Today we are here to acknowledge what the Force has proclaimed."
Around me, every lightsaber in the room ignites and I inhale sharply as everyone's energy flows through me. I have waited so long for this. I fall to my knees, looking up at Yoda as he brings his lightsaber down to my shoulder.
"Siorah Katha, by the right of the Council, by the will of the Force, I dub thee Jedi, Knight of the Republic."
His saber severs my Padawan braid and a flurry of wind rushes around me, taking my breath away. The band holding the rest of my hair up snaps, and it all falls around my shoulders, swirling around my face.
I get to my feet as the Order lifts their lightsabers around me, a salute to their newest Knight. I have to keep quiet until the ceremony is over but I can't help the exhilaration running through me. As I watch Anakin go through his knighting, I can think of nothing but the honor and prestige I have gained as a Knight. I cannot wait to tell Senator Organa.
The ceremony ends and everyone makes for the doors. Anakin follows behind me and I can sense that he wants to speak to me.
Before he even gets the chance, my master, Adi, calls my name.
"Siorah, it's Alderaan. Bail Organa needs your assistance."
"Is there danger?" I ask.
She smiles bleakly. "I guess your Hydra has made another appearance."
