The Marauder's Tale [MOONY, WORMTAIL, PADFOOT, & PRONGS]

XXVIII. Closer

"Hey, this book is really cool!" James exclaimed. He was hanging upside down over the side of his bed, reading the book of curses Sirius' parents had given him for Christmas.

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it," Sirius grinned. "I guess my family is good for something."

"Definitely," James said.

"What are you reading?" Remus asked as he entered the dormitory.

"A book of curses," James replied.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"

"Not particularly." James tossed the book back to Sirius, and flipped himself upright on the bed. "Where have you been?"

"In the library," Remus answered.

"Helping Peter again?"

Remus nodded. "He's down in the common room right now. He said he needed to clear his head before he could sleep."

"What's he doing to clear his head?" Sirius asked.

Remus rolled his eyes again. "God only knows. He'll be up here eventually."

"Good," Sirius replied. "We need to plan our next practice session. I think we're almost there with this Animagi thing."

"You and James are," Remus confirmed. "But I'm not sure about Peter."

"It is taking him longer than us," James said a bit nervously. "He worries me sometimes. I mean, I'm sure that Sirius and I will be fine with this, but what if Peter can't do it? You know he'll try to, obviously, but what if something goes wrong, and we can't fix it?"

"You worry too much," Sirius said, waving aside his friend's concern. "Peter will be fine. We'll all be fine."

"No, James has a point," Remus frowned. "What if something goes wrong that we can't fix? What if Peter is stuck somewhere between his animal and human form?"

"Honestly, am I the only one who's been paying attention to you two since second year?" Sirius exclaimed in exasperation. "We've gone through every possible scenario, and the way to fix it! You two were the ones who came up with most of them! You're not even listening to yourselves anymore!"

"Sirius," Remus began.

"No!" Sirius exclaimed. "We've worked too hard on this for too long to stop now! We're going to become Animagi, and that's it! It has to happen, Remus. We're doing this to help you, remember?"

Remus frowned. "Don't remind me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look," Remus sighed, "I'm thrilled that you guys are doing this. You know that. But, I can't help but feel that if something goes wrong, I'm the one who's responsible for it. You wouldn't have even thought to try this if it wasn't for me."

"Well, we don't know that for sure," James rationalized. "I mean, look at all the other spells we've learned that had nothing to do with school. Who's to say that Sirius and I wouldn't have wanted to do this with or without your personal issues?"

"Remus, we've been through this so many times," Sirius moaned. "Please get over your guilt complex so we can move on."

A shocked expression crossed Remus' face, only to be quickly replaced by a closed look. "Fine. So I'm not allowed to worry about you. I'm not allowed to worry about what might happen."

"No," Sirius said. "You're allowed to worry. You're just not allowed to blame yourself. It seems to me that you've spent your whole life blaming yourself for things that are completely outside your control. It's time you stopped." He shrugged. "You know that I'm going to stand by you regardless. But that's my advice. Do what you want with it."