Su Vida

22

| april 29th, 1996 |
| Monday |

By Monday morning, everything was a little different. I had a weird feeling in my stomach that didn't sit well with me throughout the whole weekend for some reason.

It probably had to do with the fact that what happened Friday night was constantly playing in my head. I had another plan to go with but it took a different turn than I expected.

When we were in a rush to get out of there, I didn't grab her journal. I left it as soon as I burnt her cloth and the room started catching on fire.

I didn't grab the gas can and we left the whole scene without thinking about grabbing our shit before rushing out.

But we didn't have time when the fire was blazing through the house.

I was a little scared that the cops were going to come to my house. I was constantly paranoid the whole weekend, looking at the door and thinking that I heard someone knock.

It was getting pretty bad.

But I calmed down by Sunday night. I laid in bed and thought of nothing, easing my mind off and listening to music.

I regret going to her house and I regret not doing things differently to prevent what happened.

Now I may be dealing with the consequences.

Elkie asked what was wrong of course cause I was acting weird. I told her it was nothing and I was fine, but I knew she could see right through me.

I was stuck in my room all weekend to avoid her and any questions she might ask.

The whole weekend was a lot mess of constantly thinking about what happened and what will happen once the police find out it was us.

When school started, I was leaning against the locker waiting for Sorn. I wasn't sure if she was coming today or if she was still a little panicky about what happened cause I knew how she acted Friday night.

Looking around, I saw some kids talking next to their lockers then looked towards the front doors and saw Seungyeon's friends walk in. I kept watching them as they were looking around as if they were looking for someone.

But Seungyeon wasn't with them.

They walked by and I watched as they were still looking around, stopping then walking again.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I look towards the front doors and saw Sorn walk in. I smiled when she noticed me but she didn't smile.

She sat down next to me then placed her head in her hands. I heard her sigh before she looked up at me. "I couldn't sleep all weekend."

"I hardly slept either." I watch as she looked around and I could see how drained she looked. "I'm sorry, Sorn."

"Why are you sorry?" She asks. "It's not like your purposely made the gas can leak and set her house on fire." She sighed. "I'm just paranoid."

Nodding, I look at her then look around. "Same. Look, I'm sorry I dragged you into all that." I watch as she looks over at me.

"Tzuyu, it's ok. If we go down, we go down together." She holds out her fist and I bump it with mine.

"Thanks." I smile. "I saw Seungyeon's click walk in but she wasn't with them."

Sorn's eyes wandered down the hall then over at me. "I'm so damn scared it's not even funny. They're probably investigating right now. Finding our fingerprints and coming for us."

I saw her place her head in her hands and it made me feel like shit. I kept apologizing to her throughout the time between classes and she kept telling me it was fine and she'll eventually calm down.

But as school went on, we didn't get any cops showing up or our names being called to the front office. It was a regular day as if nothing happened Friday night.

I kept hearing people start talking about Seungyeon's house catching on fire and that peaked my curiosity as to what they had to say.

"I think she purposely did it." Someone said.

"Why would she burn her own house down?"

They all were making up stories about what happened. I heard a lot of them say that somene did it out of jealousy, which wasn't even the case.

I also heard one where someone said she did it cause of something out of spite.

It was crazy and it made me a little more scared since now everyone was starting to hear about it.

School was finally over and I met Sorn out in the parking lot. We talked about what we heard throughout the day and Sorn was even more paranoid. "I'm not going to let it get to me." I leaned against her jeep as she was putting on lip gloss. "They would have found us by now.. right?"

Nodding, I watch as she was smacking her lips together. "How's the job at the Cafe?" I ask.

"It's great." She looks over at me. "Are you considering coming back?" She smiles.

"Not a chance." I smile as she pouts. "I have bigger, better things planned ahead."

She sighs. "You still have a week before school ends. You still thinking about pursuing a career in being a therapist?"

I nod. "One hundred percent."

"Because of Sana?"

I shrug. "Half and half. I realized that this is what I want to do. I would have eventually figured it out but Sana helped out a lot."

She looks at me for a moment as we grown silent between us. "You think she'll ever come back, Tzuyu?" She asks.

"I don't know."

"Have you tried reaching out for her?"

"How?" I ask. "How could I possibly do that? I don't know where she went. Where she's at. There's no way I could figure it out."

She nods then looks at me. "You think she moved back to New York?"

"Possibly. I mean, that's where she moved from so she could have moved back."

The thought of Sana made me start getting emotional again. I was doing good for a few days but now all the thoughts of her are back.

"Tzuyu?" I look to see Sorn watching me. "What's wrong? Is it becasue I brought up Sana?"

I slightly smile. "No, I'm fine." I made a gesture with my arms before hitting them on my sides. "She's not coming back.There's nothing I can do so I might as well just..." I ran my hands down my face then heard Sorn.

"Tzuyu, it's going to be ok." She slightly smiles. "I promise that I will be right here with you through everything you face in life."

Nodding, I saw her wave at someone then saw Jay walking over towards us. "Have fun and use protection."

"Always." She smiled.

I shook my head before walking over to my car and getting in. I sighed as I placed my seat belt on then started the engine, hearing it purr to life then smiled as I backed out of the driveway.

On the way to the house, I kept thinking about Sana. I pretty much kept my mind occupied the last few weeks, with only minimum thoughts of her and I was doing ok.

I finally got Seungyeon's back, even though that's not what I wanted, but maybe she won't figure it out that it was me.

But if she does, then she'll learn her lesson with no proof that I did it.

But the thought of Sana made me want to break down crying again. I was doing so well but I can't stop the thoughts of her that linger in my mind from time to time.

I miss her.

She was my everything and we had big plans for the future.

Now that's all gone and I'm left wondering..

Will we ever be together again?