Su Vida

33

| may 13th, 2006 |
| Saturday |

"Tzuyu!" I look up to see someone calling my name to come play spin the bottle. I shook my head as I took another sip of alcohol, trying to ignore everyone around me.

I was at a party that I was invited to from my old college classmates. It's been six years since I've last seen everyone and when I got the invite I was a little caught off guard.

We were all older now, I was actually twenty eight now and the whole party thing was getting a little old. I wasn't going to tell them no, so I just came to drink a little and stay away from everyone.

It's been eight months since I left Hanbin and pretty much everything else that happened. I haven't heard from him anymore, which was good cause I was tired of getting a call from him every single day.

But the last eight months has been pretty great. I started working on the house a little but haven't really gotten far enough to start living there. I really want the process to hurry up, so I could move it but things takes time and I have to remember that.

The farthest I got on the house was probably the cleaning process. I knew it needed that more than anything right now since it had a lot of trash everywhere.

But I didn't mind it cause I knew I was a few steps closer to where I began.

I sweeped and got all the broken glass off the floor, all the trash and junk that was scattered everywhere. I made sure it was ready to be actually worked on and I couldn't wait.

Knowing that this house was really mine and I'm working on making it into something I dreamt of for ten years.

Something I knew Sana wanted and I was doing it for her also. I wasn't going to let this house go, when I knew Sana wanted it when we were teenagers.

But every time I'm in the house, cleaning and getting things ready, I always think of Sana. I wonder where she's at or what she's doing. I want to know how she is and if she found someone.

When I would clean, I'd cry at the thought of her, knowing that I had so many regrets on letting her go. I had so many options to keep her here with me or finding her years ago instead of asking myself what if.

The years I spent without her was something I had to deal with and I never truly moved on from her.

Even when I was with Hanbin, thoughts of Sana would surface through my mind and invade my thoughts. I always thought about her even when Hanbin was near me.

She was, and still is, the love of my life.

Nobody could take her place and that's one reason I had to leave Hanbi .

I'm still in love with Sana.

Over the years, it was getting a little better but it was still hard to go on with life without her.

I admit, I should have at least tried to find her but where would I look? She might have moved back to New York but what part? I don't know her number, her address or where she's at in the world.

She probably has tried finding me but in this type of situation, it's hard finding someone when you don't know where to begin.

But other than thoughts of her, constantly on my mind, I've been keeping myself occupied on cleaning the house.

I'm still living in my car though and it's been pretty ok. I finally caved in and rented out a room at the hotel here in town. It was pretty big and not that expensive, but it was really convenient since I didn't have to drive over to the city.

The price was seventy five a night, which wasn't bad at all and I check my bank account every week to make sure I still had money.

Then there's buying food, clothes and stuff like that. It kind of makes the money drop a little but I was getting so close to moving into that house.

"Tzuyu, come on!"

Sighing, I placed my cup down then walked into the living room where everyone was standing at. I couldn't understand why we were playing spin the bottle when we're all almost thirty.

Coming to this party was a mistake and I could feel it. I should leave as soon as I'm done playing this game and everyone is minding their own business.

That way I could sneak away and leave before I do something I'll regret.

Standing there, I crossed my arms and watched other people play for a while until someone called me over. I wanted to say no but decided just to get it over with.

I walked over and stood next to someone as they spun the bottle that was in the middle of us. I counted how many people were standing in a circle, which was about six, do there's a fifty chance of me getting picked with the bottle.

As the bottle was slowing down, it landed on someone else and I sighed then stared stepping away until I was pulling back. I groaned as I crossed my arms and stood there, watching someone else spin the bottle.

It was slowing down and slowly landed on me. I heard a lot of people cheer, then looked up and completely froze when I saw who was spinning the bottle.

Hanbin.

He stared at me as I did the same, hearing everyone around us cheering and yelling. He rubbed the back of his neck before stepping to me and pulling me away from everyone.

We walked out of the living room and into the kitchen then he released my arm. I stared at him for a moment before walking around him towards my drink.

"Tzuyu."

"What?" I look at him as I poured another cup of alcohol, knowing I needed it.

He looks at me before walking towards the counter and stopping. "How are you?"

Shrugging, I took a sip of my drink. "Couldn't be better."

"That's good." He looks at me as I place the cup down. "Um, you still live in town?"

"Does it matter?"

"I just wanted to know."

Nodding, I poured another cup as he was steadily watching me. I took a sip then placed the cup down on the counter. "What are you doing here?"

"Got invited. You?"

"Same."

He nods then watches me as I pour another cup full. "Um, you're drinking a lot."

"And that's your concern?"

"Didn't you drive here?"

I nod then took a sip as he was watching me. "Yeah but I'll sober up before I leave."

We stood there as I was constantly pouring drink after drink. The only reason I kept pouring was because he was watching me and the thought of him being here was getting to me, so I was steadily drinking.

After a while, all I remember was making out with Hanbin in a room on a bed. I was fully aware of what was happening but couldn't stop myself as our clothes were coming off.

That night was the night I regretted cause my drunken state of mind wasn't function properly, so the after what happened that night was some consequences I'd have to deal with afterwards.

That's why alcohol and I do not mix. I never usually drink but the thought and presence of Hanbin being there was making me drink even more.

It was a night of regret and so much more yet to come.