Su Vida

24

| may 3rd, 1996 |
| Friday night |

It was finally here and it was happening. It was Friday night, night of graduation and the adrenaline was rushing through my veins as I waited so long for this moment.

And now it was finally here.

It didn't feel real, but once that cool night air hits me, I knew it was as real as it gets.

Words couldn't describe the way I was feeling right now, but if I had to pinpoint Sorn's emotions, it would probably be over-excited with a touch of nervousness wrapped together.

She was freaking out even on the way over her, telling me how she was so happy to finally be free. She was explaining everything she would be doing after graduation and I knew that we were definitely two different people.

I wanted to go to college and Sorn wanted to explore places with Jay. I knew that was my dream at the moment; getting away from all of this and traveling the world but- things change and I already made my mind up.

Before the graduation started, Sorn kept vanishing somewhere with Jay and I knew what they were doing the moment she came back with a smile on her face and her hair a slight mess.

We were all waiting around, standing with our classmates in our cap and gowns waiting to walk to the center of the field and finally become part of the real world.

It was nerve-wracking and I couldn't keep this shakiness I was having down.

When Sorn finally came back with Jay, she had a smile on her face, her gown was a mess and lipstick was smeared on her lips. I look her over as she stopped near me and started messing with her hair, trying to get it perfect again.

"So, you ready for Saturday?" She asks, smiling at me.

I gave her a look before I realized what she meant. I regret telling her anything and when I told her about Hanbin wanting to hang out Saturday, I should have never said anything.

She told me she was happy for me and she wanted to be there before the date so she could help me get ready. I told her it not to bother cause even Hanbin said it was a friendly date.

"But he totally likes you!"

When she said that, I knew it was true cause I saw the way he was stuttering and avoiding eye contact but- I don't feel that way towards anyone and probably never will.

Sana is the only one and I know somewhere in the future we'll be together again.

But telling that to Sorn is only going to make her start lashing out on me, telling me all kinds of stuff about Sorn not coming back and it's a waste of my life to keep waiting for her.

The moment I told her about Hanbin, she was gushing over it and saying all kinds of stuff- which she never did any of that with Sana.

But I never told her what Sana and I had. That's one promise I kept because I knew Sana wanted me to keep it a secret.

Telling Elkie was something that I blurted out when I was going through depression. I knew she wouldn't go running around telling, just like Sorn wouldn't but I made a promise.

I knew that Sorn thought that just because I agreed to hang out with Hanbin, meant I was getting over Sana. But that's not the case and it's not true.

Nobody is going to replace Sana.

Nobody can replace Sana.

Hanbin is a nice guy and we're going out as friends. Nothing more and nothing less. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I agreed to it.

Sorn needs to get that through her head.

"So, where is he taking you?" She smiles, knowing I never actually told her what we were doing.

Telling Sorn where we were going or what we were doing was setting myself up for something I'd regret later on.

I shrugged as I look around at everyone. "He just said to go out and eat."

She was totally gushing over this and I was stopping myself from rolling my eyes. "I can't wait. I want to make sure you have something nice to wear cause the whole bad girl attire isn't going to work, chick."

"Why are you acting like this?"

She gave me a confused look. "Like what?"

"You weren't like this when you knew I liked Sana."

"It's different." She shrugs.

I made a gesture with my shoulders. "You're more excited over Hanbin than you were with Sana. I mean.. you showed a little excitement when you found out I liked her but this-" I motioned over to her. "is way different." I stared at her for a moment.
"I was in love with Sana."

"Tzuyu..I-"

" and I still am." I said. "Whether you want to hear it or not. Nobody is going to replace her."

She looks around as the teacher was yelling at us for line up. "It's different with a guy, ok?" She said, then walked to her place in line.

"What does that mean?" I said, then got shushed by the teacher.

"We'll talk about it later." She said.

Shaking my head, we got in line then when instructed, walked one by one out into the middle of the field.

Hearing everyone cheer, made me smile as we walked in front of the crowds of people. We took our seats and waited for the principal to start talking.

Throughout the speeches of the principal and valedictorian, I was more than ready to have that diploma in my head and get the hell out of here.
Wishing Sana was right beside me through it all.

When my name was called, I walked up to the principal and felt my heart beating in my ears. I never imagined I'd get this far in life cause of how my life was years ago. I wanted to quit more than a dozen times, but here I was; finally graduating.

Smiling at the principal, I shook his hand then heard Elkie yelling at me from the stands. I waved over at her then took my seat and held the diploma in my hand, feeling everything in the pit of my stomach.

When the principal called the last student up, he smiled at each and everyone of us then spoke into the microphone.

"Class of ninety six!"

We cheered then rushed out to the middle of the field. We all huddled together and counted down before throwing our caps into the air.

A lot of laughs, crying and hugging was happening at that moment and it felt like a dream come true.

All the emotions and everything was overwhelming and I couldn't help but be thankful that I made it and it was finally all over.

Sorn came up to me a few moments later and pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and she told me that she always knew I'd make it this far even when I wanted to quit so many times.

"I'm sorry about what I said.. I just.. you know how much I love you, Tzuyu. I want to see you happy and Sana is gone, ok? I don't want you beating yourself up over her when she's not coming back." She slightly smiles at me.

"She'll come back." I spoke. "One day. She'll be back."

We hugged then I walked off, looking for Elkie. I was relieved it was all over and now..

The next chapter of my life is beginning.