Loving Jemima

9. Breaking her trust

Jemima

matty had calmed me down and was trying to convince me that Laura could be trusted and wouldn't sell stories to the press which is what I was currently fixating on.
"But what if they break up and then she knows all this stuff! She knows about my ptsd now and about my Arthur! Oh god why did I tell her! I'm so stupid! I didn't want to tell her why did I tell her." I thumbed my forehead repeatedly
"Come on stop don't do that, I'll talk to her ok, and Ed, if it looks like being a serious thing, which I think it is, then we can make her sign a gag order or something. I'll remind Ed not to share details with her without your permission, he should know that's a given, especially Arthur, I think he's just let it slip cos he really likes her Jem, he loves her sis, he just got carried away."
"But won't that make Ed and her feel awkward, oh god I'm going to ruin your lives forever aren't I, maybe I should just move out. Maybe I should go live with peter in England."
"NO!" Max said a little louder and passionately than he had meant to out loud "I mean no you can't you're part of the family, Matty you can't let her leave!"
"Calm down max, she's just venting aren't you Jem. I'll have a word with the boys, you're right none of us have been following the rules, we need to do better, I'm sorry. All this is avoidable that's what the rules are for. We'll go over them again."

"She shouldn't even be here! He didn't tell me she'd be here or or or or sleeping over Matty! It's not fair! Why she still here? I don't understand why she's still here!"
"I know I'm sorry, god I'm sorry Jem, I know alright. I don't think any of us realised just how big a deal having people sleep over was for you. Is it just that their in your home or because he's sleeping with her? I mean I presume he is from what I walked in on last night! Is it just because he didn't tell you first? What's the trigger Jem?"
"I don't know" I sniffled, hiding my face "I don't feel safe. I don't want to be here. I want to go home."
"Oh emmy, it's alright. We'll keep you safe I promise. Emmy?....I...." Max looked at Matty cautiously "did your step dad....did he have people over? People that weren't nice to you? Or women that weren't your mum? Did something happen..."
"Stop I don't like it, stop" I thumped my head repeatedly
"Oh Jem, Sis.....we still don't know everything do we, I'm sorry. I understand it's alright Jem you should have just said. Thanks max." Matty held my arms gently but firmly
"No worries. The old noggins good for something" he joked

"We'll talk about it when she goes home." Matty reassured me
"No I don't want to stay, don't make me, I already did a whole day! Please.."
"I'll take you for a drive or something" max offered "for a break"
"Nooo" I whined and wiggled "I tried for him and he don't even care!"
"He does. He loves you Jem, he appreciates you trying, especially after yesterday, you didn't have to, I'm proud of you for being the bigger person despite his and Max's giant cock up!"
"If he loved me he wouldn't have bought that bitch here! He wouldn't have asked Laura to come back! He wouldn't have had her sleep over! She wouldn't be in the fucking kitchen! He wouldn't tell her stuff about me! He's lied to me repeatedly all weekend, he says one thing then does the complete opposite! He apologises, gets me on side then goes and carries on the same as before! He don't give a shit! "
"Oh Emmy he does"
"Bullshit. He's a lying manipulative bastard! I'm not staying" I huffed crossing my arms "if he won't choose between us then I'll just go."
"Emmy you don't mean that you're just venting. We'll pick this back up when she's not here eh?"

"Now Jem this appointment you need to go to it, you know that right" I nodded at my brother running my thumb over my healing wound from yesterday. "It's not going to be about that ok, just checking your weight and blood and whatever else they do. We can tackle the other stuff separately, this is just checking your health. You've got a few bruises, we need to check the anaemia again too. The malnutrition snuck up on us and it's not been that long Jem, they said it could take years to get you stable, the last specialist we spoke to said you might always have nutritional complications, do you understand Jem? We just need to check this regularly, I think we might always have to kiddo, I'm sorry. I know it's not the outcome you wanted. Me either, that bastards done even more damage that I can't fix for you, which is killing me, so let me at least help you find a way to stay healthy and come to terms with it, please Jem, let me help you. We both need to face this now, both of us have been avoiding it since London not just you, I'm sorry I let my own feelings get in the way of helping you."