Loving Jemima

22. You're not your dad

Matty

Jem had given me an insight into what she was feeling giving me her iPod, music was her form of communicating her inner thoughts, I needed to work on that with her somehow. I watched max closely observing the boy I regarded as my brother, my best friend who I felt totally betrayed by. I hooked the iPod up to the music system playing the playlist, some of the songs she had been singing the other day playing through the speakers about secret love and not being able to be with the one you love, peter singing some of them.
"You know these are all about max right? This is a max playlist." Tom asked me, I looked at max who was watching my sister who was just laying in the garden by herself, like a starfish spread out laying on her back, I think she may have fallen asleep cloud gazing, her concussion was much better but she was still a bit dopey.

"Max?" I asked
"What sorry Matty, I was just keeping an eye on her, she's upset, I don't want her to...you know, get too upset." He glanced back at Jem again before looking at me.
"You really love her don't you? Like properly love her?" He nodded at my question, his eyes filling with tears again, I'd never seen max cry so much as he had the last few days, not since his gramps died. it was like he was breaking in front of me. He wiped his eyes embarrassed and I sighed loudly.
"How long?" I asked
"I told you just this week."
"No I mean how long you been in love with her."
"Honestly I'm not sure, somewhere after Felix but before William." He looked at his feet nervously "I guess you could say it just kind of snuck up on me." He fidgeted

"That long! That's well over a year ago!"
"Yeah, at first I tried to shrug it off you know, push it to the back of my mind. I told myself I was being stupid, like you say she was supposed to be like a sister to me and she's your actual baby sister. I told myself not to go there, but I just kept feeling things I shouldn't, I just couldn't shake it."
"So when did you stop seeing her as a sister? There must have been a tipping point?" Tom asked
"I guess....I suppose I've never looked at another girl since she died her hair pink, when peter visited that first time." My eyes widened, that was so long ago, two years ago "man I was so jealous of peter before we realised he was gay, I just didn't know why at that point, I was just so confused. But after our first heartbeat cuddle, that's when I knew for sure that I was in big trouble."
"When was that?" I asked
"You remember when Steve sent her those messages and she had a panic attack and ran off." I nodded "it was that night, but we just cuddled nothing more Matty I swear."

"How long has she known how you feel? I'm presuming longer than a week." Ed asked
"That night she had that massive breakdown, after the Christmas party, remember?" We all nodded "I told her then, when I was calming her down, we'd been getting really close, she'd been opening up, telling me stuff, you know stuff that she hadn't told you guys. We'd been flirting a lot, not on purpose just bantering you know, but it always turned flirty without us realising it." He blushed smiling to himself at the memories
"And did you.."
"No Matty, I swear, we kissed but that's it."
"How often did you kiss my sister?" I asked annoyed
"Matty I swear it wasn't like that, I can count on one hand, it wasn't like we were sneaking around behind Williams or your back. There was that night, the day after, then once just before we went on tour, then she kissed me when I took her out that day in Finland, oh and then a few times in London, then when we were in the hospital a few months ago after I woke up, but that's it I think. Maybe there's a few others. I wouldn't lie to you Matty. It's not some sordid little affair I wouldn't do that to you, I wouldn't do that to her! it just kept happening, it was never planned!"

"That's more than one hand max! She still cheated on poor William! Have you slept with her?" He nodded nervously"when? The first time, how many times, I need to know max, I just, I know it's weird but I need to know!"
"Last week the night before candy was here, and before you ask, she initiated it not me, she came to me. I hold my hands up I didn't know she wasn't with William and I should have asked. Then the morning of the family party, but you weren't in the house either time. she's not a quick hook up or a one night stand Matty, I swear."
"That's why you had your music up so bloody loud!" Milo gasped
"You were in the garden milo, so you technically weren't in the house either. She made me check no one was in." Max gave a small smile but tried to hide it, fidgeting around again. His ADHD and tics were always worse when he was nervous or worried and he ended up fidgeting more than usual to try and control them. He'd been all over the place this week, now I know why.