Loving Jemima

23. Smile

Matty

Tom drove me round to see Ralph for half an hour, for a pep talk and to calm down. I was thankful she was still exactly where I left her when I got back, still asleep. She woke up crying under her blanket clutching her ears, she screamed when max tried to talk to her not recognising him at all. She was crying asking for me repeatedly. After convincing her that I was actually me I realised she was stuck in a flashback from when she was four, the boys all hung back observing sadly. They all knew bits and pieces about my life before coming here but I'd never revealed the whole truth to anyone, not even them.

"Daddy's coming home Matty I'm scared."
"I know my little Jem, it's gonna be ok, I've got you, Matty's got you." I reassured her, climbing on the sofa behind her and spooning her into a tight hold, holding my hands over her ears like I always used to at night when our parents would tear strips out of each other as she trembled in my arms.
"It's too loud Matty"
"I know, it'll stop soon my little Jem, I promise."

"Sing me the song Matty" I looked up at the boys a little embarrassed, they shot me a sympathetic smile. "He's coming Matty, daddy's coming he's mad again Matty. Make it stop Matty, lock the door Matty, did you lock the door!" She started to panic through her sobs, wiggling her little body around squirming.
"Yes I locked the door baby sis, I always lock the door don't I" I pinned her to me, she nodded "I won't let him hurt you my little Jem, I won't let anybody hu...." I stopped screwing my face up tears rolling down my cheeks realising in Jem's reality I used to tell her I would't let anybody hurt her but it would be less than year from this flashback that Steve would be on the scene. "I won't let anybody hurt you baby sis, I promise. Your Matty always keeps you safe don't I." I kissed her shoulder trying to control my emotions. Then sang the song that I always used to sing to her to calm her down and drown out the noise, Nat king cole 'smile', our grandmas favourite song. It calmed her down like it always used to and she fell asleep again, I wiggled out from behind her sighing loudly, Tom rushing over to make sure I was ok.

"I used tell her that every night, that I wouldn't let anybody hurt her that I'd keep her safe" I said sadly and frustratedly "I let her down, I broke my promise boys more than once. I used to tell her all the time that we had each other and I'd never leave her. I should have gone back for her." I teared up again.
"It wasn't your fault mate." Ed squeezed my shoulder
"You know she told me once that she used to sing that song to Arthur, when he was a bump and then when she held his body until Steve took him away. She said she sat and sang him that song over and over." Max told me
"It was our grandmothers favourite, first song I learnt on the guitar so I could play it to her, I was seven." I nodded
"I think it was more because it made her feel safe Matty, that's you, you did that for her." Max offered me his insight

"You promise you're gonna keep her safe?" I asked max
"You have my word Matty, I'll do everything humanly possible, together?" He asked, I nodded and held out my hand for him to shake and pulled him in for a bro hug.
"I still need to talk to her max, but...maybe." I told him, he gave me a smile and nodded. "Don't screw this up max" I warned him. "If you break her heart I will break you! and under no circumstances do I want to hear or see you getting frisky with my baby sister, understood! in fact I'd prefer if you didn't get frisky with her at all, keep it your damn pants! Knock it on the head now, I don't want you sleeping with her until this is sorted, I'm still mad at you. In fact you're on a damn sex ban until further notice weaver! I'm still fuming, so stay out of my damn way and don't push my damn buttons! Don't touch her dude, I mean it!"

I was woken up that night by a worried Tom shaking me awake in my bed, he and max had doubled up again to take a night shift.
"Matty, you've got to come downstairs it's Em." He whispered softly making me sit bolt upright in my bed. "Max is with her, she's having another PTSD episode we think, but Max's video isn't working." I Hurriedly got out of bed and quietly walked down the stairs, where Jem was staring at the front door sat crossed legged on the floor next to her suitcase hugging a soft toy that I think peter had given her last time he came to visit as a get well soon present after the accident.
"Max?" I asked, He was standing looking worried at the bottom of the stairs.
"I tried Matty but she doesn't recognise me at all, she was freaking out at my phone, so I stopped trying, it was just making it worse."
"What's she doing?"
Max shuffled nervously tugging at the hair on his neck. "She's waiting" He whispered
"For what?"
"You" Max said sadly, giving me a sympathetic look. I walked cautiously over to my sister crouching down.