Loving Jemima

34. Are you mad at me?

Jemima

I looked up from feeding Sid and Nancy our pet goldfish when max stepped into the room, I gave him a forced smile returning to watch our two new companions.
"They left" max sat on the bed tapping his thumbs together "are you mad at me?"
"No"
"It was before I knew you and a long time ago baby and she's not a patch on you, I already told you she was conservative. She'd always complain when I kissed her like that, so I stopped and I didn't have wandering hands. She didn't like my tics, they annoyed her."
"That's nice" I tried to block out the images from my mind that I wasn't sure why they were bothering me so much today, why they made me feel and act like a psychotic jealous idiot for no reason.
"What can I do to make it better?" Max asked so softly I nearly missed it "I didn't even know you, I hadn't met you. I.....I had to watch you kiss him. That's far worse than having an ex that you've never met."
"I know."
"So why you mad at me?"
"I'm not."
"I was looking forward to tonight until your dick of a brother ruined it by being a fucking wanker." He flopped on the bed "let's just cancel and do this another time. Tv in bed?"

"I don't like her" I admitted
"I know" max laughed
"You still talk to her?"
"Sometimes. Not often."
"Matty said you took her to your bedroom, You sleep with her in the bed we did?"
"I.....errrr....."
I turned around to leave, I was being irrational, I didn't even know him back then. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me.

"Emmy wait, I'm sorry, I....I just didn't think anything of it."
"She the only one you had in that bed?" I asked sourly, he stayed quiet. So he's had one night stands in there too.
"Our bed is just for us, the only girl ever going to be under me in this bed is you baby" he pointed behind him "I've slept in yours and William's been in there."
"I slept! So did he! He didn't stick his damn dick in me! And neither did you!"
"Oh, I see, I presumed, I don't know what to say." He said honestly letting out a very large shoulder twitch "I love you, I didn't love them and it was only one girl, plus Tatiana and cara, I didn't sleep with Tatiana though we just fooled around a little. Maybe there was a few others I fooled around with come to think of it, but I didn't sleep with them. Well they slept in my bed but I didn't fuck um. They kicked me out on to my old bean bag because I was annoying them, you know I can't lay still." I screwed my face up in disgust looking away from him "I'm making this worse aren't I?"

I decided to walk away grabbing my phone to talk to peter to avoid talking to max, I'd had enough talking tonight already thanks to my brother. I was on edge already, any conversation about his ex's was going to end in a screaming match which I didn't want. I made the mistake of searching the internet yesterday to look for old photos of max and his ex's after a flippant comment from one of the boys. I regretted doing it as soon as I had, they looked nothing like me. They were all stunning, They looked good together. I strung out my spanish conversation with peter as long as possible, he'd asked for help with his project he was doing, peter eventually told me to stop talking and deal with what ever the problem was I was avoiding, he always knew when I'd got inside my own head.

"Peter ok?" Max asked, I nodded "I ordered the food, should be here soon." I nodded again "baby, please, I'm sorry, they meant nothing to me, not like you do. It's in the past, don't get so upset about things that happened years ago. It's not like I cheated on you. Is it because it's the same bed? I had the same bed since we moved in. Tom and I spent half the week there and half at home until we were sixteen, or sometimes milo or toms cousins would chaperone us, they're a lot older. The parents said they were fine about us living together so young when we weren't on the road but didn't want Ed to have the responsibility as the eldest you know, change the dynamic. They wanted us at hone to be normal teenagers, but we were anything but normal teenagers, they knew that deep down." Max rambled then sat just staring at me.