Azula Flickering Hope

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WARNINGSuicidal thoughts and actions Blood so Please don't read if this Upsets you

And if you want to skip all that suicide stuff I left a gap for you to scroll to

Love you guy's

Azula POV

I'm going to do it I've been planning for weeks now I just need to get it over with.

I sat down On my bed and and held the sharpened peace of shattered mirror in my shaky hands it was like they where fighting against me.

No, I don't think It's going to be quick its probably going to hurt a lot.

I stood up quickly to shake off my nerves Bleeding out didn't sound like a peaceful way to go out.

But The nurse found my pills while I was in the group yesterday and took them away and there was nothing to hook my sheets onto so this was the only way.

I laughed at how creative I was getting for such a bleak reason I thought of getting to the roof or breaking the controls that freeze the room at least then I would go into shock and nobody would have thought it was me.

I wonder what would happen after I died, would Tylee and Mai feel sorry, regret anything.

I wonder how mother would take the news she'd probably be relieved her monster of a daughter was gone and couldn't hurt her new baby girl.

I'm not exactly worried that Zuko will be consumed with grief he's sensitive but the threat of me stealing the throne would be gone.
I'm sure he'll cry over it for a day and then celebrate my life over Tea with Iroh.

It's not like I hadn't considered this cutting things short no pun intended, But before I had something to fight for and those thoughts were never this serious and maybe you could say I was to scared to, that I never had it in me.

This time was different I think, I'm determined and terrified at how certain my fate is if I thought to much about it a panic attack would begin again and I have to lay on the bed to settle down

" this is stupid what are you doing"

I slid the shard away and cried into my bedsheets so they wouldn't hear me through the door.

" Azula darling listen"

" stop it I said Stop"

It was really late I was hoping to get it over with at around seven so when the nurses came in at nine I'd be long gone but now it's two am and I haven't willed myself to do anything.

Its hard to break your natural instinct to survive every nerve in my body was at attention every time I thought about what I was going to do my throat rose with vile and mother's voice whispered next to my ear as if she was no distance from my face.

I don't get hurt easily I'm quick on my feet and strong so I've never had to many terrible injuries and when I got bruised or cut I could bandage it myself.

Never show weakness never let anyone see you while your down or they'll loose all respect for you.

And now a bunch of nobodies would be the ones to find my body

I failed..

everyone had seen me like this even Zuko, broken and worthless a shame to the family I would be the family member nobody talked about my name would forever be spoken in whispers behind closed doors.
A few years would pass of no baby girl in the kingdom being named Azula out of respect but mostly fear they would turn out like me I can't put up the act anymore this is the only way.

I tried using that anger to cut deep into my wrists but I couldn't tears started pooling up and sobs wracked through my body. I put my face down on my bed and cried screaming into my pillow.