Azula Flickering Hope

Honest

Azulas POV

The night was long and none of them bothered to wake up and offer to take shifts so I could get some sleep.

There either incredibly rude or have never been on the run and I'm dealing with a bunch of amateurs.

Bugs attacked my arms and legs like a feast I tried to keep myself from scratching at them I didn't want to risk accidentally reopening my wound.

Usually I would just hold a fire in my hand and the bugs would leave me alone. But I can't do that now,

I put in the last amount of sticks into the fire that would hopefully last until morning. I couldn't risk freezing to death out here if I did nobody would even search for my frozen body.

trained for the military I was already used to long shifts but I haven't had to pull an all nighter in a long time.

I remember My fighting instructor Kagami Sensei would make me stay up in a room alone while doing work problems until my eyes felt like stone and my vision spinned.

The practice was to keep me awake during attacks so if I was ever in battle I could stay up for days without it affecting my decision makeing skills.

I made it ten days on caffeinated tea and digging my nails into my arm he said I was the longest lasting student he had, but he still looked at me with contempt when I let my cheek rest on the table and shut my eyes as if I wasn't so tired My thoughts felt like memories.

I remember the moment my eyes snapped open and he smacked my hands with a baton. I told Father about the awful experience and I never saw Sensei again.

Tea never had the same effect after that

I don't like being up this late makes my head run wild, I get impulsive and my thoughts wonder to dark places I can't get out of.

Last night I almost died From letting those thoughts in for to long.
My spine shivers thinking of what I did of what almost happened and how nobody would ever know what really happened last night.

If anyone found out they're are words people would call me a quitter, crazy, depressed. Nobody would see me the same it's not like my image is any better at the moment but people still respect me I can't loose that.

I recall those cold winter mornings when I was younger and my mind started to turn on me.
I would spend days locked in my room not bothering to even leave my bed. I felt heavy and empty I was always filled with purpose but those days I couldn't find a reason to eat.

eventually I would pick myself back up again even if it meant I had a few sleepless nights. I geuss you could say it was one of my few weaknesses.

I could never name why I was so upset the servants would try everything to make me smile bring flowers and art but nothing worked I was just empty.

The nurses said I was just a young woman and these emotions were normal. I didn't have many teen freinds so I didn't have much to compare it to anyway.

As if I ever would have told tylee and Mai about what was going on in my head they would have called me crazy or worse pitied me.

The worst of it was after Zuko was banished. I'm not really sure why I wasn't upset by him leaveing infact I was overjoyed to be rid of him for a few months until he'd eventually return.

I was positive father would call for him back in just a few months and that this was just a short punishment to put him in his place.

But that month turned to three then nine then a year and then two, and then I was sent to go fetch them but of course by then it was to late he didn't want to stay.