blue

twenty | coward

Astrid walks beside Myles as he talks about how he got arrested. At first she was interested, seeing how excited he was but she couldn't lie, Myles story was boring as fuck. So Astrid resorted to nodding and pretending that she was listening.

After Myles finished talking about his arrest, he started asking questions about what they were hunting. "One of those scaly panther things?"

"Boar." Finn deadpans as Astrid rolls her eyes.

"Good, because that panther meat is nasty, but I could eat a whole boar by myself, no joke. You know what the best part is of the boar? It's gonna sound gross." Myles rambles.

Astrid grumbles annoyed and puts a hand over his mouth, sending him a glare. "Myles for the love of God, shut up!"

Myles nods almost instantly as Clarke and Finn send Astrid grateful looks.

"What is that?" Clarke asks as she points to some tracks.

Finn crouches next to the tracks and examins them. "Well, they're tracks."

"But they're perfect." Astrid says as she crouches next to Finn.

Finn nods in agreement. "Too perfect. We're the ones being hunted.

Astrid stands up as the four look around. "I don't see anything." Myles whispers.

Suddenly, two arrows fly as one lands into Myles' leg and the other in his stomach. Astrid's eyes widen as Myles collapses with a yell. Sharing looks with Clarke and Finn, they quickly try to hide.

Astrid quickly hides in a big bush, looking behind her for Clarke and Finn. Her eyes widen when she sees Clarke knocked down. Astrid goes to leave the bush but makes eye contact with Finn who shakes his head.

Tears fill Astrid's eyes as she watches Finn and Clarke being captured while the grounders didn't even think to check the bushes.

•••

After seeing that the grounders weren't returning, Astrid came from behind the bush and crouched next to a groaning Myles.

Her hands shake slightly when she sees how much blood Myles was losing. "Ok-ok Myles I'm gonna help you..." Astrid trails off as she rips pieces of her clothes.

With shaky breaths, Astrid reaches for the arrows and breaks them at the end, causing Myles to yell slightly. Astrid puts the ripped pieces of cloth on Myles' wound as he continues to groan.

"I don't-" Astrid tries to rub the blood off of her hands. "I hid, I hid, I hid." she repeats over and over. She was a coward.

Tears blur Astrid's eyes as a small sobs shock her body. She was a coward.

•••

It had already been hours, Astrid concluded. Her and Myles stayed in the same place, not moving once. Astrid was afraid that moving Myles would make his situation worse.

Her tears stopped but if you looked at Astrid, you could clearly see that she had been crying, also because her tears mixed with the blood on her hands because she wiped her face.

Astrid looked towards Myles again, seeing as he was barely breathing. What was she going to do? She didn't have any medical supplies, she couldn't leave Myles and nobody knew where they were.

As Astrid hears noise up ahead, she tenses grabbing the knife from her boot. The noises are getting louder and louder as they approach the bush Myles and Astrid were hiding in.

Her eyebrows furrow when she recognizes the voices. She swallows hard, thinking of who could be out here. Raven? Octavia? Bellamy?

Astrid moves a little towards Myles when he groans loudly. She put a hand on his stomach wound, immediatly making it stain with blood. "Shit, shit, fuck." Astrid whispers lowly as she tries to put more pieces of cloth on Myles' wounds.

The voices get louder and louder as Astrid continues silently cursing, something she does when she's nervous. The bushes suddenly part and Raven's face is the first thing Astrid sees. In shock, Astrid drops her knife.

Astrid sighs in relief as Raven exclaims in shock. "Astrid!"

Octavia comes from behind Raven, sighing when she saw Astrid. Both of their gazes turn concerned when they see Myles and the blood.

"Where are Finn and Clarke?" Raven asks quickly, nervous.

Astrid can feel more tears coming as she looks at her shaking hands. "They're gone. The grounders took them." her voice is barely above a whisper but they hear it.

In that moment Bellamy arrived, his gaze catching Astrid's. He immediately runs at her as Raven and Octavia look over at Myles and try to make him a stretcher.

Bellamy's hands are warm and soft as he brings a shaking Astrid into a hug. He kisses her head multiple times as he whispers sweet nothings into her ear. "You're okay, you're okay." he says, more like reassuring himself that she was there.

But Astrid doesn't hug him back, barely acknowledging the fact that he was talking to her. The same thing just kept repeating in her head.

Coward.

•••

Astrid looks at her now clean hands, not averting her eyes when she hears Bellamy enter the tent.

He sits in front of her and sighs, taking her hands in his. "Baby...what's wrong?" he asks quietly, his gaze concerned as he kissed her knuckles.

"I-" Astrid paused as she swallows hard. "I'm a coward." she whispers. "I hid behind a bush while Finn and Clarke were taken. I hid, Bellamy. I was scared. I shouldn't be scared. And now they're gone because I was a coward."

Bellamy puts a hand on her cheek, making her meet his gaze. "Listen to me, Astrid." he says firmly. "You are not a coward. Remember when we went to save Jasper? You shot that panther and because of that we could eat. You hurt your leg, yet you still managed to save everyone. And if you didn't stay behind, we would have never found out what happened to Clarke and Finn. So you, Astrid Rose, are not a coward."

A tear slides down Astrid's face at his word as she throws her arms around Bellamy's neck. He puts his arms tightly around her waist as he manages to bring her on his lap. He kisses her neck gently before sighing and holding her closer. "Thank you." Astrid whispers against his neck.

Bellamy pulls away and smiles slightly at her, bringing her into a soft kiss, filled with love.

And despite Bellamy's words, Astrid still couldn't sleep that night.