Dear Isadora

Letter 2: Birthday Blues

June 18th, 2011

Dear Isadora,

Guess whose birthday it is... Mine! And it's so incredibly miserable without you.

Hooray, I'm fourteen! A year closer to death! Isn't that just fantastic?

I may have gotten into our father's secret alcohol stash when I visited him the other day... I was stupid and I wasn't thinking...

Yes, Dory, I got drunk for the first time... At thirteen years old... I know you said that no matter what I do, you'd always be proud of me... But I just know you're disappointed in my stupid actions.

Dealing with so much conflict at such a young age has made me do some regretful things... I hang out with pretty bad people now... It's either ditching school or hanging out with the delinquents.

I know thirteen is such a young age to get into some horrible situations but Isadora, I genuinely do not know how to cope anymore... I've tried everything, everything.

Getting high just makes me forget about my problems, you know?

Getting intoxicated almost does the same thing except... I feel so carefree and alive...

What is wrong with me, Isadora?

Why am I such a bad brother? Such a bad person? I don't even know how to handle conflict without getting my hands on illegal things.

Or getting involved with the wrong people... Maybe I deserve this... A test to see how well I do without my beautiful sister and best friend by my side, guiding me through the harsh areas of the world... To guide me through adolescents. I can't do this on my own anymore, I need my Dory.

Where's my Dory?

I- I need my Dory...

I miss you so much.

When will you come back and tell me this is all a prank? Just to see how I would react without you? I would be upset, but I would be so ecstatic knowing that you're alive and in front of me and just...

Oh, what am I saying? You're gone forever... I saw you in the casket and everything... You were so beautiful... I wish this was all a dream... I just want to hug my big sister again...

When will I get that hug, Dory?