Dear Isadora

Letter 9: Huge Mistake

August 14th, 2011

Dear Isadora,

I'm so fucking stupid! I accidentally said my thoughts out loud and now everyone hates me, everyone.

I told my closest friend since kindergarten that I had a crush on the new kid and she told the entire school.

The entire, school.

What have I done? How could I have said something so stupid?

Now everyone hates me.

Now I'm everyone's punching bag.

Everyone calls me the f slur... While they punch me in the face because apparently, if you're gay you're weak.

I can't do anything about it. All my energy has been sucked out because of many addictions. 3 weeks down the drain, I did more heroin... Today, as matter of fact. I just wanted to forget the pain I felt.

I'm such a dumb ass...

I ruined everything...

As if my life wasn't hard enough...

At least the new kid didn't torment me... He just kept his distance, as well as he should, I'm a freak.

I found out his name is Leonardo...

He's straight and taken. Isn't that just fantastic? And the best part is... His girlfriend is the girl who bullied me in middle school. You were always great at comforting me... Now I have no one to comfort me... Just drugs, alcohol, and self-harm.

My life is ruined, all because I told someone I thought I could trust about my crush... I didn't know she was homophobic... Well, to be fair... I didn't know I was a freak until I laid eyes on that beautiful human being.

I just want to disappear...

Can I disappear? Like you did?

Nobody would miss me anyways... I have no one left... Nobody likes me anymore... You were the only one who cared and now you're gone...

Just me, myself, and I...

And I already lost myself long ago.