Dear Isadora

Letter 4: Why Can't I Hate You?

July 4th, 2011

Dear Isadora,

Ah yes, the American holiday, Independence Day. And I spent the entire day drinking and smoking weed with the delinquents while blowing up firecrackers in the alleyway.

Isn't that just the greatest way to celebrate a holiday? Without you?

I no longer give a fuck about anything anymore. This was your choice to leave me behind. All this that's happening to me is your fault. All because you didn't want me to help you.

Yes, I was only thirteen years old but that didn't mean shit. You still left me behind like I'm some piece of garbage. Alone in this horrible world filled with horrible people. Thanks a lot, Isadora.

I want to hate you so bad... But I just can't... I- I don't know what's wrong with me... I feel like such a terrible human being. Unlike you, I don't deserve to be alive.

I find it so hard to even dislike you... Remember that one time when I was 11 years old and you sabotaged me and my parents grounded me because they always believed everything you said and you made it seem like I was some troublemaker when all I was doing was trying to survive middle school?

That day I wanted to hate you so bad but I just couldn't... We grew up together... And we were supposed to die together... But you had a change of plans.

Isadora, why can't I hate you? After all, you've done to me, I can't... hate you.

GOD DAMNIT WHY CAN'T I HATE YOU?

YOUR DEATH RUINED EVERYTHING!

I- I'm overreacting aren't I...?

Of course, I am...

I'm sorry Isadora...

I don't know what's been going on with me lately... I've been so hostile and ignorant... My grades have dropped dramatically and pretty soon, I'm probably going to get expelled...

But thanks to you, I don't care anymore.

I genuinely do not care.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.

Because I'm not.