Dreamcrash

Four: Preventing Fate

A/N: Trigger warning for attempted suicide

---

Over the next few weeks, I tried to drown it out. 

The dreams only got more constant. If I was sad or angry, I would have just the first part. Just the pain. If I had been bullied, I saw the next part, when I killed every one of the villagers. I knew there was a third part, one I only saw during the crash so it was a bit fuzzy. But I couldn't remember it and I didn't see it.

Until the day I first argued with Dream.

It was two weeks since Aiden and Lilith and injured me. Everything was healed but my heart. I was sitting under the Tree of Feelings, not moving, fighting a battle I didn't know if I could win. Half of me wanted to reach up and grab one of the golden apples above me, the other knew what would happen and wouldn't let me reach for one. I sat there, trying to not reach for a golden apple when I hear footsteps. 

"Hey Night. Are... Are you okay?"

I look up, trying not to cry or get angry or let Dream see I'm struggling. 

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"What makes you say that?"

Dream sat down next to me, but not as close as normal. I saw him reach for my hand, hesitate, then pull it away. 

"Well, ever since you got attacked by the villagers, you've been a bit reclusive. You don't want to hang out with anyone, even me. And you're sad or angry all the time. More so than normal. And you're scared too. That's the main thing I'm feeling."

I look at him.

"I don't need my emotion sensing to tell that. I saw your face when you woke up from that dream. You never seem to sleep peacefully too. You know, if there's something wrong, you can tell me."

"Heh... I wish I could."

"Why can't you?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Yes I would. I don't want you to go through all this alone. Please tell me, or someone else, anything so I can see you smile again."

"How do you know?" I said, something hard creeping into my voice. "It's not like you've ever had problems with people hating you for something you didn't do."

"Well, maybe if you actually tried to be positive, they would like you more!"

"Dream, I've tried. But I'm the Guardian of Negativity. I can't be happy."

"YES YOU CAN! Just because you're the Guardian of Negativity doesn't mean you can only feel negative feelings!"

"Oh really? You think so? Let me guess why, because you're the goody-good Guardian of Positivity that everyone loves and you always see the bright side. Well, newsflash, not everyone can be happy!"

"No. That's not why." Dream said quietly.

"Oh? Then why?" I responded, voice cold and mocking.

"Because... Because if I can feel negative feelings, you can feel positive."

"You just proved my point. You've never been negative." I say, full of jealousy.

"Yes I have."

"You haven't."

"YES I HAVE!" Dream yelled. "I MAY BE THE GUARDIAN OF POSITIVITY BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL SAD!"

I rolled my eyelights. "Yeah, totally."