ZINA (BWWM)

Chapter One

Eight Years Later

My body feels broken. I have no energy to eat. The small tray of food from yesterday sits in the corner still untouched. The dark room has a tiny window. There is poor ventilation making it difficult to breathe.

I'm getting by on recycled air. So I'm weak all the time. Without sufficient light, I can't see clearly. Without sight, I have no clue where I am. 
 
Where am I?

I stop asking them that question long ago.
 
How long I've been here?

I don't ask this either.

How did I get here? Where is here?

The same for these questions too. I know nothing. I think that's the point of literal and figurative darkness I'm surrounded by. 
 
The last real memory I have is my mother abandoning me. From there everything is a haze. Is it even a memory? Sometimes I think I'm crazy and I made it up. When I rationalize it, I summarize it's real. It happened it's not a dream or a fiction of my forgotten imagination.
 
Having no company leaves one's mind to wonder about the craziest things. I've been spinning the same thoughts. Am I even alive? Maybe I'm dead. Maybe this is hell and I don't know it. Sure feels like hell.
 
The dingy room always feels cold, the small cot scratches my skin like an unmedicated rash, and the pan I pee in smell like death. All of that fits the description of a type of hell. My skin to the touch says I've been rolled in the dirt, thrown in swamp water, and not bathe in a life time. I don't want to see my appearance. My only hope is for a quick death. Who will grant it I'm not sure? I don't want to kill myself but I think about it often.

I think about how pleasing it would be. How much easier my life would be.
 
When the coldness bites at my flesh, and I begin to ache I contemplate ending it. A plan writes itself, use the fork to stab myself, cut my throat with the dull knife they give me. But I'm too afraid of pain to go through with it. Eventualy I push on and hope for the day someone does it for me. 
 
"Open-cell 14." 
 
A voice resounds. I haven't heard this voice before. Instead of feeling fearful, I don't, I feel numb. I question what is cell 14? If there is 14, does that mean there is a cell 1,2,3...13? Meaning others are here. I never thought to question if there were others. How stupid of me?
 
"Yes, sir." 
 
Someone says. 
 
Their keys giggle. As the person commanded tries to find the appropriate one to cell 14. As I listen to keys I hear three pair of footsteps. Loud slaps of feet hitting the floor the closer they get. Who are these people? 
 
Footsteps slow down until stopping. Those keys clack onto each other. Each metal playing a song as someone inserts one. The Click of the lock is close to where I sit. I must be close to cell 14. I hear footsteps again. They march. Suddenly shining light into my face.
 
I haven't seen direct light since I guess I was brought here. Was I brought here? With this sudden glow, it's almost like I'm being burned. I'm not used to it. 
 
"Move the light so I can see her face." The voice which earlier said to open-cell 14. 
 
"Sorry, sir." 
 
Just like that, I see the outlines of three people in the space. Who are they and what do they want with me? Maybe today is the day. The day my suffering ends. I can only hope. 
 
"How much is she?" 
 
The dominant voice asks. Is he talking about me? I'm in cell 14, I realize. While eyes calculate my worth I move backward until my back touches the wall. The colde slab shilling my skin. I don't want to be seen. I don't like being referred to as an object. 
 
"She's $20,000, sir." 
 
The person who answered is the one I haven't heard. His voice sounds different from the other two. The first man sounds powerful, in charge, the second is submissive and scared. While the third sounds a bit in between. Somewhat in charge but less in charge than the first. 
 
"$20,000 is a bit much don't you think?" 
 
"No, sir. This one here is one of a kind. She is untouched, has all her teeth, doesn't complain." 
 
Silence from the first voice. Someone comes closer to me. I fold into myself to become smaller. Hopefully, they will leave soon. I'll get back to my dreadful life, filled with nothing but darkness.
 
"I promise you won't regret it." 
 
I just want to be left alone. Someone anyone just end it. Take me away. My prayers were answered from what I hear next.
 
"I'll take her." 
 
I'm pulled up by one of them. Something is tied around my wrists and I'm dragged out the place I've come to know. My weak feet scuffle under me, lacking the strength to walk. We start making turns left, right, then left then straight for a while before going up stairs. At the top bright light hits me. Seemingly way more bright than before. 
 
I shut my eyes because they burn from the light. When you've become so accustomed to pitched black, anything other than black is painful. Strong hands grip my right shoulder leading me. I'm placed some where and told to stay. I stand with an overwhelming light shinning on me for what seems like forever.

Voices are heard streaming out. I black out through all of it. Then I'm outside. Someone is leading me. I don't know who. The ground under my feet changes to grass. 
 
I'm sat into a seat and strapped in. The lights dim enough to call me to sleep. Hopefully, I don't wake up and if I do this has all been a long nightmare. 
....
 
I come awake to a soft cloth rubbing across my skin. Slowly my eyes creak open. What awaits me is a middle-age woman giving me a sponge bath. I'm sitting naked in a porcelain clawfoot tub, in the largest bathroom I've ever seen. The water in the tub is brown from all the dirt and grime that was on my skin. 
 
When was the last time my skin touched the water? Once I'm all clean the lady helps me up and lets out the tub. She turns on the shower. 
 
"Rinse yuh self den come out." 
 
I nod and tackle my task. I wash away the dirt that's left. Making sure to quickly wash my scalp. As I rinse soap runs down the hair to clean the stands. Once I'm sure my locs are fully clean I gently squeeze out the excess and turn off the water. 
 
I wonder who was that lady. I feel so tired, even though I got sleep. I haven't slept or eaten in days. I've long lost my appetite. Basically wasting away to slowly starve. Its one of the easiest ways to go. 
 
"Yuh dun?" The lady inquires. 
 
To answer I step out the tub. The lady is waiting with a large black towel. She wraps it around me. It feels incredibly soft on my skin. I can get used to this, but I shouldn't. I don't know how long it will last. 
 
"Come get dress."
 
I take in the bathroom its large standing shower the double vanity, and toilet which has a million buttons. I've never seen a toilet with buttons before. The ones I remember didn't have any. I guess things are different now. 
 
We exit the bathroom. I absorb all the things around me. From the bathroom, we enter into a beautiful bedroom. The walls are a lilac color with a four-poster canopy bed made for a queen. Creme colored sheets that match perfectly to the rug. There is large wide windows but I can't see outside since they are covered. The room is gorgeous. 
 
We go across the room into a closet. Inside is a store's worth of clothes in all different shades, colors, patterns, and designs. In the center, there is a wooden thing with drawers. The lady leads us to it. She opens a top draw to unveil a wide selection of undergarments. Shear kind, laces, silks, and cotton pieces. 
 
She looks up at me and then down to the items.
 
"Wah yuh wah wear?" 
 
I examine them before going with a simple white cotton set. When I put them on I noticed a small pink bow in the center. The lady then moves around the wooden chest to another side and pulls out the top draw. This one has sleepwear. All of them looking expensive. This time she chooses for me. I don't care. One less decision to make.
 
I hate making decisions. 
 
The pieces she selected is black loose frilly shorts and matching top that is triangles cut to show some chest area. It fits right and it's comfortable. 
 
"Yuh look nice. Are yuh hungry?" 
 
At that question my stomach finally makes its needs known. A loud grumble which the lady chuckles at.
 
"Yuh hungry. Come eat." 
 
She leads us out the closet and out the bedroom. We come into a really long walkway before getting to double-sided stairs on either side. We walk down on the right and make a right into a gigantic kitchen and connecting dining room. Whoever's home this is has great taste. 
 
The lady leaves me at the table and nudges me to sit. I do silently. Peering around the large castle-like home. The owner must have a lot of money. They did spend $20,000 for me. Why though? Who purchases humans like they are buying toys. I guess the person who lives in this home. 
 
I stare off into space. Soon a plate of food is set before me. I eye it with caution. I don't know if it's safe. But when the lady hands me a fork I slowly take a bite anyhow. The plate has steamed vegetables and what looks like baked chicken on the side. Simple enough but it tastes great. 
 
With her watchful eyes on me, I eat as much as my stomach can handle. When I become full I push the place a side and place my hands in my lap. The leftover is picked up and covered before she puts it away in the double door fridge. 
 
I haven't been this pleasantly fed in a while. All the food I was given at that place was dry and lacked any sort of flavor. Half the time I ate a little and left the rest to grow cold. No one forced me to eat thankfully. 
 
"Wah yuh wah do? Watch wah movie, sleep?"
 
 I point up indicating I prefer to go to sleep. She doesn't blink and we head back upstairs to the lilac room. She pulls the covers back and I climb into the bed. I lay on my back and watch as she leaves the room after dimming the lights. 
 
In no time my eyes close and I fall into slumber. 
 
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