ZINA (BWWM)

Chapter Seven

Zina is behaving differently. I don't why but I notice the slight change in our interaction over dinner. Zina kept her gaze on her plate not once looking at me. She seemed more cautious around me. That with the fact once she finished eating quickly went up to her room, I know something is off. I just can't figure out what. 
 
Did I do something? Is it something I said? I rewind the entire day in my head to try to remember something I might of done wrong. I can't find anything. I'll have to ask her before I go to Ashley's. Honestly, I don't want to see her tonight. I'd rather say home, keep Zina's company. 
 
But I already made plans. I head upstairs to change into different clothes. Something casual, Jean's, V-neck, and boots. I look good enough. Not that I'm trying to impress Ashley. She only cares about getting me naked. I head to Zina's room. Hopefully, she's not asleep. It's still kind of early just a little past eight. 
 
I knock twice then enter. Inside Zina is on her back reading one of the books she got earlier. She flips the page but doesn't gaze up. I know she heard me knock. See what I mean. Something is wrong. 
 
"Zina. Can I talk to you for a second?" 
 
When I sit on the right of the bed, she puts the book down. Her small fingers in between to hold the pages open. Zina looks at me before looking away.
 
"Did I do something wrong? You've been acting different." 
 
Zina tenses at my question. Like she didn't expect me to notice. She reach for her phone. We've been using it as our primary method of communication instead of the note pad. I think she prefers texting than always writing her thoughts. I remain patient. What is she going to say?
 
Hopefully, I didn't mess up too badly. It's never my intention to hurt her feelings. I want Zina to trust me as her guardian. Zina shows me her thoughts. I read. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I'm sorry.
 
"What do you mean it's you?" 
 
I'm so confused. I didn't do anything? Then what happened. Did I miss something? 
 
Zina types something. She shows me. I feel bad about invading your privacy earlier. I didn't mean to come into your room. 
 
Oh. So that's what it is. Zina thought she's wrong for coming into my room. I never did lay down rules since she started living with me. I keep forgetting she's not an adult and needs guidance. This situation is unfamiliar to both of us. I've never been responsible for another person and she's not used to having an adult figure after so long alone. 
 
We aren't used to this new dynamic yet. I know I'm certainly not. Back to ground rules. What should I say? Here goes. First I should address the 'coming in my room thing.'
 
"You didn't invade my privacy. If I didn't want you in my room I would have told you so. Zina from now on if you want to come to my room, you can. Make sure to knock okay." 
 
She finally looks me in the eye nodding. Okay, now that's out the way the rules. 
 
"This new dynamic is something we're still getting used to. I'm going to set some rules okay. The first one is if I ever do something that hurts your feeling please feel free to come and tell me. I want us to be honest with each other. I don't want you to think you can't ever tell me what's on your mind." I see Zina nods to this so I go on.
 
"The next is, going forward if anyone asks about how you've come to live with me, tell them I've adopted you and I'm your guardian. You don't have to tell anyone what happened before living with me, especially if it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it." Her hazel eyes widened at this one. I think this is one she appreciates. 
 
"Also if anyone ever does something that hurts you emotionally, physically, or in any way I want you to tell me about it. That means if you're ever hurt by someone or feel pain in general, I want you to tell me. This one is very important Zina. If I'm ever away and your hurt you have to text me or even better call 911." She nods again. So far so good. I think I have only one left. 
 
"The last rule is. If you at anytime ever feel you no longer want to live with me, I want you to tell me so we can make the proper arrangements. I understand you didn't choose to be here, so if you ever want to go I'll understand."  
 
Zina picks up her phone typing quickly. She must have something she really wants to say. I smile as she turns the device around so I can see it. I want to stay with you forever. Please don't ever get rid of me. 
 
When I gaze into her hazel eyes the swirls of brown and green glisten with unshed tears. I would never get rid of her. Where is this coming from? She was abandoned in the past. Zina is probably paranoid I'll abandon her one day like her parents did. I move closer picking her up onto my lap. Her small body curls into me. She grips my shirt tight as she starts crying. 
 
I sit while holding her close. At the same time, I rub her back softly to try and calm her down. Whispering loving words. "It's okay little one. I'll never abandon you. I promise you, please don't cry. Please don't cry little one. I'll never leave you okay." 
 
Zina's nose sniffles. She tucks her face into my chest holding me tighter. Why did I make plans with Ashley? I don't want to leave Zina alone in this state. Screw getting a quick fuck. Zina is more important. I'll reschedule. Ashley always gets clingy whenever I cancel.
 
"Little one. Are you okay?" 
 
I pull away so I can inspect her beautiful face. What I see literally breaks my heart. Zina's eyes are red from crying. Her cheeks have a tinge of pink, and her nose too. I move carefully while wiping her tears away. She sniffles once more. Something takes over me at seeing her so broken. I do something I didn't expect. I kiss her forehead, then stoke her face moving locs out the way.
 
Zina's cheeks become even redder. She's so cute. I pull her back into my chest rubbing her back again. We stay like this, Zina in my lap while I cuddle her until small snores escape her. She must have fallen asleep. Being careful I lift her up to place her on the bed. I tuck her in making sure she's covered. 
 
I put her phone to charge on the nightstand. The book she was reading is still laying upside down. I mark the page for her folding down a corner then put it next to her phone. Zina shifts from the sound of the book on the nightstand. I stop to make sure she's asleep. When I know its safe I kiss her forehead one last time before exiting her room. Softly closing the door behind me once the lights are dimmed. 
 
I pull out my phone and dial Ashley. She answers right away. I walk to my room so my conversation doesn't wake Zina. 
 
"Ashley we're gonna have to rain check. It's way past eight-thirty and I was caught up." 
 
"Mathias it's okay if you're late. I can wait for you to get here." 
 
Her cheery voice differs. I don't feel like it anymore. 
 
"I'm tired, Ashley. I'll come another night. I'll call you when I'm available okay." 
 
"But Mathias." 
 
I cut her off before she finishes the sentence. 
 
"I'll call you. Goodnight. Bye."
 
I don't wait to hear her. I hang up. She can wait. I don't feel like driving forty-five minutes to her place just to fuck. I put the phone on mute and to charge. Undressing I put on a pair of loose shorts. I climb into bed laying on my back. My head goes back to earlier when Zina cried. My heart literally hurt while I held her as she cried. We need to talk about this. I don't want her thinking I'll abandon her. I won't. 
 
For as long as she wants to stay with me, this will always be her home. The only way is if she chooses to leave. Until that day comes she'll stay with me.
 
I never want to hear her cry like that again. I want her to be happy, smile more, laugh more, maybe speak one day. I know she's capable of speaking. When I signed the paperwork they informed me about Zina not speaking. I asked if she's mute and they told me she wasn't. When she was first brought there she uss to talk  but eventually stopped talking one day.
 
I want to hear her voice someday soon. I would never force her to talk. I have faith one day she'll talk again. When that day comes, I wonder what her first word will be? 
 
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