ateez Imagines I Suppose Me Writing What Come Into My Head

song mingi- i can't do this without you

!mentions of severe cancer and I go into detail so if you get triggered or the subjects saddens you please don't read thankyou
This Is incredibly sad like mainly about death and illness

Song mingi. The love of my life. High school sweethearts I suppose. I had been his girlfriend since sixteen and obviously when I found out he was training to become an idol I was ecstatic. I was so proud of him. Once he finally debuted I was so happy and vowed I would always help him in anyway to become all that he wanted to. 1 year in and we were both 19. I would always turn up to his concerts and watched his performance. His rap was always perfect even though it was after a bit of intense choreography. Once in a while he would stuggle with back pain and i would always rub it and get a hot water bottle and some painkillers for him. I found out mingi and the rest of His members would be doing a world tour and I realised he wasn't gonna be hear. I couldn't tell him. Not yet. He was happy and I didn't want to ruin that so I decided to tell yunho instead since me and him used to be friend along with him and mingi. I told him that I had stage 4 cancer and by the time they found it it was to late for chemo I told him the chances of me living past the week were slim and I told him more than anything to take care of mingi and I wanted him to be the one to break the news to him. I felt bad for putting this upon his shoulders but I wanted yunho to known since he has been my friend for so long. Mingi hadn't noticed me getting skinnier and skinnier of getting weaker because I made it that way. I wore baggie clothes and put make up on and took painkillers. Until the day mingi left and I couldnt even get out of bed anymore. I assured him i was fine and made sure to let him know I love him. Once he left I cried my eyes out knowing I'll never see him again. I took out a pencil and paper from my bedside table and began to write

Hi mingi
Jesus this is harder than I thought. Where do I start? Well i know I should of told you first off but I didn't want you to be upset. I want you to live your life and try to forget about me. When you think of me I want you to be happy and think of all the memories we had together. When you miss me just remember to hug my pillow that little bit tighter. Never stop doing what you love no matter what anybody tells you because that is what you do best. I can't believe I have my goodbyes to you this early on in life. I wish the circumstances where different I wish I still had just a full week left with you but I guess this is life's route and I can't change it. I hope it gives a better route to you because you deserve it. I hope yhe members take good care of you and i hope you know i will always love you and care for you and watch over you even when im dead because mingi I'm in love with you and I always will be and that's never gonna change. Now I'm gonna stop my letter to you here and tell you to always hold your head up high, put on a brave face and visit me every once in a while please.

I love you my angel
Y/N xx

It was difficult writing that. Telling the love of your life you gonna die and Telling him you love him for the last time in forever. I got a picture of me and him and stapled it to the corner of the page I put the letter in and envelope and put it on the bed side table next to me with his name on. I called the hospital and told them off my condition and they picked me up and took me to a hospice where I eventually died in my sleep. Now that's when I found out there's an after life. You could either pass on or stay on earth as a ghost but be able to pass on whenever you wanted. I obviously stayed on earth to look after him. In the end I was there when yunho eventually told him. He dosnt usually show emotion he always kept it inside but he fell to his knees and cried. He cried he screamed. He screamed my name and it broke my heart seeing him this way. Even the rest of his members cried with him. I was there when he read the letter and he cried his heart out. I was even at my own funeral. They all made speeches and lit lanterns and let them fly away. It was very beautiful but alot of tears where released. I was in the news for once which surprised me. Mingi developed a new habit aswell. He would always sleep with my pillow and of he was sleeping anywhere else he would take it with him aswell as the letter. As much as I wanted to be with him I was glad he had found his own little ways to manoeuvre round it. One day however he wasn't the best. 1 year anniversary of my death and he had got in an arguement with the members. He locked himself in his bedroom and cryed. "Why the fuck did you leave me y/n? I cant do this without you. You told me to stay strong but you where my strength. Baby why'd you leave." I knelt in front of him and tried so many times just to wipe his tears but as many times as my hand came near his face it just fell through. I was getting frustrated and I ended up crying myself. "I'm so sorry. Please acknowledge I'm here please see me please hear me I want you to know I'm here I am with you. I swear I am always with you just please." Despite my efforts it was pointless I knew me being there was pointless. A day later i decided to cross over to the afterlife. You met the higher power and they got to choose whether your soul gets put in another body you get to spend the rest of your life in heaven or he'll. Or in some special cases they send you back to earth as you. I didn't didn't my hopes up for the last one because it had only happened like ten times before. I made mt way up to the judging panal and stood on the podium. They read over some files and some whispers where exchanged. They all nodded and one coughed bringing my attention to them. We have all agreed to send you back to earth. Saying I was shocked was an understatement I wanted to cry and celebrate. I smiled at them and they spoke again. "We shall send you back straight away all you have to do is think of a place you really want to be." I closed my eyes and thought of Han river. Once I opened my eyes again I was there. I cried happy tears. I had missed all this so much. I wanted to see mingi straight away but it would be a bit weird seeing your dead girlfriend. They had a concert soon so I decided I would be there. Wow there new songs where amazing like I heard them before but hearing them in person alive was amazing. Every thing was going okay until I made eye contact with mingi. It was only split second but still. My heart was beating fast. After they had finished performing they were dancing to random songs. Then take off by wayv came on. My old favourite. Mingis eyes changed they where dull but he still did the full dance to it perfectly. After it had finished everyone left. I wanted to tell him so bad.  I decided in exactly a month I would tell him. Well that was if I could get anywhere near him. I decided to go to mine and his old apartment. I don't even know if he lives here anymore but worth a try. Right ? I knocked on the door and looked down at my feet. The door opened. My eyes travelled up to meet the eyes of the person infront of me. It was him. "Y-y/n? B-but you can't be. I'm hallucinating arnt I. I must be because your dead I." I put my hand on his cheek.  "No your not trust me." He burst out in tears and i pulled him into a hug. It was amazing it was warm and loving and it was him. He was really there. I was really hugging him. I hugged him a little bit tighter and cried. He pulled away and looked at me. "It's you its really you isn't it." He was sobbing. "Yes its really me." He kissed me. The kiss I had missed so much his plump lips upon mine. "Baby I missed you so so much I really couldnt live without you." I gave him a smile and pulled him back into a hug I had missed him so much.

A/N
It used yo be shorter and more deppressing then this but I decided to add more to it so hope you enjoy. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)