Oxford Boys

19. Losing my senses

Evans lips are soft and the taste of his cherry chewing gum lingers on them. He took me totally by surprise. My lips automatically move along with his. His kiss is soft and tender it feels good.

It takes a few moments until I realize I shouldn't be doing this. Even if it feels good, but it doesn't feel fair or right. Gently I push him away and loosen myself out of his arms.

"I'm sorry Evans, I can't do this right now. I like you a lot and I need to know I am clear at mind and really want this."

He sighs. "No, it's my fault Sam, I tried although I knew you aren't ready. You just told me minutes ago. But I won't deny I liked how it felt to have your lips on mine."

Fuck why does he have to be so sweet and damn sexy at the same time?

I give him a quick peck on the cheek and enter our apartment before I do something stupid. At the moment I simply don't fucking know if I want more or not, it's so confusing.

******

Nightmares kept me up most of the night, I badly need my coffee before I am able to do anything at all. Because I am too tired to even care about my messy curls this morning I simply decide to leave them open.

The damn weather has changed too, it's officially autumn. Which won't stop me from wearing my t-shirts though. I usually pick my shirts according to my mood or whatever I feel like expressing for the day. After those nightmares I decide for: Run if I am not holding a coffee

Matching exactly the mood I'm in today. Even Emily keeps her mouth shut this morning, knowing I am in a mood.

Sitting in class Jake gives me a side glance, while I am stuck to my second coffee to go. My hand in a death grip around my cup.

"You ok?", he whispers softly.

"Do I look like I'm ok?", I growl.

"Oooook. You wanna talk?"

"Fuck no, I just want my fucking coffee."

"Bloody Mary?"

I roll my eyes, he didn't just honestly ask me if I have my period? And to top it off right here in class?

"Shut the fuck up. And no. Just fucking tired because of my nightmares. You leaving me in peace now? Because I really need this coffee badly."

"Nightmares?"

Instead of answering I growl as response hoping he gets the message and he'll finally leave me in peace which he thankfully does. Damn I didn't even want to mention the nightmares to him.

Once classes come to an end and I had plenty of coffee in my breaks I feel a bit better.

"I'll take more attention of what is written on your shirt in future and take the advice. You up for our homework?", Jake asks carefully while following me out of class.

"Yes, I guess I've had enough coffee to cope with it, instead of shredding it to pieces", I chuckle while slipping into my black leather jacket.

"Fuck that looks good on you and your open hair matches that slight wild look very well."

"You know I hate my hair like this, I just couldn't bother this morning."

"Well I like it", he shrugs and my stupid heartbeat speeds up again with his words.

None of us both thought about taking an umbrella along, by the time we reach Jake's apartment both of us are soaked. Jake throws me a towel for my face and hair. Right now, I am happy not to be one of these girls, who's face is absolutely caked with make-up, I am sure it would be all over the place. All I am wearing is a waterproof mascara. Thank fuck! Otherwise I would be sat here the next few hours looking absolute ridiculous.