Oxford Boys

43. Evans's POV how to fix things

It's been nearly a week since Sam has left hospital. And about four weeks she hasn't spoken to anyone but me and the doctors.

As she said she couldn't stay at my place because of Emi, she has moved into a bed and breakfast. She made me promise not to tell anyone where she is staying. Jeez I am so freaking worried about her. Ever since she told Jake to go, the main thing she does is cry. At the moment I'm the only person she trusts. A couple of weeks ago, I would have been glad to see her leave Jake.

But now I am caught between two people dying without each other. Sam has become such a precious friend, I couldn't bear to lose her. And Jake is one of my best friends on the other side. Seeing them both suffer in the way they each do is terrible and breaking my heart.

Not one single day has passed they don't ask me about each other. What I felt for Sam a few weeks ago has changed or to be precise I know more what it means. The feelings as such haven't changed, I do love her, but not in the way Jake loves her. I know that now, seen the difference and these two need to fix things and be together. Even if it still hurts, there's no way I am coming in between these two.

Every day after college I spent time in hospital and now at the bed and breakfast with Sam and in the evening, I do the same with Jake. They are broken without each other.

Sam asked me to pick up her clothes from her apartment, while she was in hospital. There was one thing she wanted most, a hoodie she had from Jake. She'll spend hours cuddling it and crying. Today is such a day.

"Sam, you could at least say hi to him in college. He is hurting too at the moment, he's hurting really badly. Honestly Sam I have never seen Jake this way."

His apartment which usually is spotless looks like trash. Cartons of some fast food stuff he hardly even touches chucked everywhere. Used clothes scattered all over the floor. And it's gotten even worse, since Sam is back in classes. He's started drinking to fall asleep and trashing things.

"I can't talk to him Evans. I'm lost if I do. Every single time I see him, feel him close to me, I want nothing more than to be in his arms. But it's not possible."

"Why not Sam? You love him, he loves you." It should be that simple, but I know it isn't.

"My mum, they killed her. My Grams hated them. I just can't."

"You know you are punishing him, for something which isn't his fault? His parents messed up really bad, you said yourself you understand why he did it, why he had to keep it secret. You are punishing Jake and Emi for something they are just as little to blame for as you. Agreed they should have stood up and told you the truth, but you were all kids at the time."

"I know, but it doesn't change the fact, they lied to me all along. Emi even more so."

"Honey I know and you have every right to feel hurt about it. But let's face the fact, you can't live without them either, can you?"

In an instant she starts sobbing loud again, I hit the spot. As so often in the last few days when she gets upset, she runs to puke. Not a good thing at all, as she isn't eating in the first place, she's lost so much weight. Even her favourite scones I brought her today, she hasn't touched. Once she is done with puking, I make her a tea and we snuggle up together to watch some Netflix on her laptop. It's the only comfort she seems to accept at the moment.

A few weeks ago, I would have done anything to be the one to hold her, now I know it shouldn't be me here. Whom she really needs is Jake but she is too stubborn to even say hi to him, although I know how much she wants to.

And I also know how much this rejection hurts Jake every single day. Every day, he hopes she will respond to him today, but she doesn't. Seeing him so hurt and devastated I sometimes think, perhaps he shouldn't have told her the truth. Of course it's ridiculous as she would have remembered sooner or later anyway what has happened. I just wish I could do something to break these walls down.