Oxford Boys

38. home

Most of what happened after the call last night is blurry. In the one moment I was having fun on a party until a phone call destroyed my little world. Jake's arms are wrapped around me while we are both lying fully dressed in my bed.

Blurry parts come back to my memory, Jake rocking me back and forth in his arms, reassuring me he isn't going to leave me, while I am crying my balls out and repeating something I can't remember right now.

A soft knock at my door wakes Jake up too. Emi comes in to my room with two coffees in the hand. An unsure smile on her lips, she strolls directly towards me.

"Hey Sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning?", her voice ever so soft and full of worry.

"Like the walking dead?" I try to fake a smile.

"Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. I know how much you loved your Grams." As soon as the words have left her mouth, I start sobbing again.

Now I vaguely remember how Emi was here too last night, after Jake called her.

"I-I need to go. They said they need me there, I need to do some things now", I stutter, getting up from my bed and start gathering some clothes together.

"Babe, you need to eat first, take a shower and then we will go there together", Jake interjects from behind me.

"No, can't eat. Just need to...."

Jake takes the stuff out of my fingers, cups my face and starts talking. "Babe, look up at me", he demands and I do. "Listen, you need to gather some strength before we go. So eat, drink as much coffee as you need and then we will both pack some stuff together, pick up my bike and go together. Alright?"

"You're coming with me?", tears are burning in my eyes again.

Jake's arms wrap tight around me. "I told you I would. So please Babe, let me take care of you for a change."

Unable to do anything else I simply nod. Once I've somehow managed to force some scrambled eggs and a coffee down me, I head for the shower.

*****

"You know this could be trouble for all of us, you shouldn't be going there. What if Michael sees you or his parents?"

"I don't give fucking a shit. Sam needs me there and nothing is going to stop me from going there. Especially with Michael so close to her, it's even more of a reason, to go."

Both of them fall silent the moment I enter the kitchen. Jake has changed into his clothes from yesterday afternoon.

"I heard you worry about Michael being there. No need to fall silent. Of course he's going to be there. It's a freaking small village. But it's nothing I haven't been dealing with the last five years, so no need to freak out. If that's the main reason you are coming you don't need to", I turn to Jake.

"Of course he's not the main reason. I want to be there for you and help you as much as I can. You shouldn't be going through this on your own. But yes, as side effect I know I am keeping you safe from him too. Is it wrong I want to protect the person I love?"

"It's not. Thanks for doing this together with me", I give him a quick peck on the lips.

*****

3 hours later:

The moment I am stood in front of our house I start crying. I never intended on coming back in the first place, now I feel bad about this thought. What a selfish intention not to come back to visit my Grams in the first place. Did she know I wouldn't come back? It's not like I didn't want to see her, I simply didn't want to come back here. And now I am stood right here, the place I never wanted to be again and yet now regret leaving in the first place.