No Guidance [Spencer Reid x Reader 18+]✔️

Alone Again

Recap: Spencer wrote Y/N a letter, expressing how sorry he was and how much he loved her. He put it in his suit jacket for her to find later. They have seggs in the jet bathroom. Spencer trying to remember every little detail and sound you make.

TW: Panic Attacks

Your POV:

As soon as the plane hit the tarmac, Hotch returned the cuffs to Spencers wrists. You hated seeing him like this. They all did. You rested your head on his shoulder, he gave you his suit jacket as you were cold, telling you to keep it. You didn't want them to take him away from you. He wasn't even gone and you missed him.

Spencer leaned over, connecting his lips with your forehead, kissing you softly. You picked your head up to look at him. Trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. He, clearly, doing the same.

"I love you so fucking much y/n. Don't ever forget that okay?" He brought his cuffed hands up to hold your chin. "I wont forget Spence. I love you too." Giving him a weak smile. Spencer pressed his lips down with yours. His kiss soft and passionate, like he was trying to pour all of his feelings into one kiss.

As the plane rolled to a stop, your heart beat quickened in your chest. Panic starting to set in.

This is it.

They are going to take my forever away from me.

"Hey. Hey, babydoll, look at me." You picked your eyes up to meet spencers warm hazles eyes. "You have to be strong for us. You can do this do you understand? I can prove my innocence and then ill be back with you in no time." His smile trying to hide the fear he felt.

You nodded, having no words.

"Are you ready?" Hotch asked. Spencer laced his cuffed hands with your free ones, squeezing them reassuringly.

"I don't have a choice." He sighed. His voice filled with sadness. He kissed your laced hands before kissing your lips. The team stood, ready to hand their boy genius over to the officers waiting just outside the plane.

Hotch went first, Emily and Rossi leading him out, you gripping onto his hands for dear life, as if you holding him would prevent them from taking your happy ending away.

Stepping onto the steps of the plane, you looked to your left and saw the rest of the team standing there, seeing him off. They were there to support Spencer. It made your heart smile just slightly.

As soon as Spencers foot hit the tarmac, officers came over and grabbed him, reading him his Miranda Rights. Spencer gave you one last kiss as they spoke.

When they were finished, he looked down at you still holding him. He sighed before saying "You have to let go baby. I have to go with them. You'll be okay I promise. I love you so fucking much babydoll. I'll be back before you can miss me." His eyes filled with tears.

You shook your head, nuzzling into his side harder. "No. NO. They cant take you from me. Please don't take him."

"Ma'am let him go." The officer sternly stated.

"NO! YOU CANT TAKE HIM!" You were screaming. Your voice hoarse from how loud you were yelling.

Morgan and Hotch ran to your side, peeling your arms off of Spencer as the officers led him away. You tried everything to get out of their hold, almost succeeding one time, before Hotch gained control again.

"You cant take him! You cant fucking take him from me! Y-you're going to let them take him?" You shouted. Spencer looking back at you, his eyes filled with regret.

You suddenly felt like your body weighed a million pounds, turning into putty in Hotch and Morgans arms. Falling to your knees, you let out loud wails.

"I- I- I. S-sp. I cant breath. Help me. Morgan I cant breath." You face turning pale, lips slightly blue from lack of oxygen.

A panic attack?

You hadn't had one of these in a while. But the stress from Spencer being led away was too much. JJ rushed to your side urging Morgan and Hotch to let you go.

"Y/N? Honey? You're having a panic attack. Breath with me sweetie, ready in 1-2-3-4. Now hold it 1-2. And let it out 1-2-3-4. Do it again, 1-2-3-4, and hold it 1-2-, and out 1-2-3-4. That's my girl. Look at me, its going to be okay. Do you hear me? We are going to fix this."

You just nodded at her as you tried to calm yourself down. Suddenly you were picked up princess style by Morgan. You lazily wrapped your arms around him as he brought you to the SUV. JJ getting in the back with you as you all drove in silence to headquarters.

You closed your eyes trying to calm down, but when you did, alls you saw was Spencer being taken away from you.

You wrapped Spencers jacket around you tighter, breathing in his scent, wishing you were in his arms instead of in his jacket.

---

They dropped you off at your apartment instead of taking you to headquarters. Hotch forcing you to take a week off. Armed detail officers staying with you 24/7 and a team member coming to check on 3x a day. You got out of the car and walked up the stairs to your apartment. You didn't want to be in your apartment without Spencer. You picked the lock to his place and went inside, finding his place just as clean as you remember. It smelt just like him, old books and cinnamon.

You walked straight into his bedroom and looked around. It was eerie without his laughter echoing through the rooms. You sniffled and took off his jacket, throwing it on the bed before going into the bathroom. You looked into the mirror. You didn't recognize the woman starring back at you.

She was disheveled, eyes puffy from crying. Makeup running down her face, hair flying everywhere. You sighed before stripping and walking back into Spencers bedroom. You went into his closet and grabbed one of spencers sweaters, sliding it over your head. Wrapping your arms around your shoulders, you winced in pain slightly, the skin still tender from where Spencer bit you.

A small smile playing on your lips as you think back to the sex you guys had on the plane. It didn't last long. A sad sigh leaving your lips as you went to his bed picking up his coat, hanging on the back of the door.

When you turned around, you noticed a white piece of paper, folded on the bed. You picked it up and saw your name scribbled in Spencers messy handwriting.

You sat in the center of the bed and crossed your legs before opening up the letter:

Dear Angel, babydoll, Y/N...