Pacify Her

WHO AM I TO FEEL?!

"The nurses said he was doing well, although I'm not sure why I should believe a word they say. I want to see him but every time I ask they say, "Now's not the time." I'm pretty sure he hates me, although I don't blame him. If I were him, I would hate me too. I hate myself for being such a terrible boyfriend, for being such a terrible person. Who am I to think I can rely on anyone other than myself? Who am I to show my true feelings? WHO AM I TO FEEL?!" I throw a glass that was by my side at the door. "I am nothing. I once had my hopes up and thought I was everything; because with him, I was on the top of the world, even if the feeling was not returned. It didn't matter! As long as I could go to bed at night and see his face in my mind and know that he was mine. But now he's not mine. Now he's everyone else's but mine! Now he's Mr.STAY AWAY FROM ME!! Why didn't he just tell me that in the first place?! But even if he did, it wouldn't have helped because I LOVED him, and he was never gonna feel the same. All the times I thought he loved me, were just an illusion. An illusion created by my sick demon-filled mind." I hear a knock on the door. "Come in," I say weakly. I hang up the phone and tell the person to not step on the shards of glass. "Hey, Kiribro." He picks up the shards of glass and empties them in the trashcan. "Hey. I heard you got into a car accident."

"That's what they tell me." I motion to the space on the bed beside me where he can sit and I pull my own self up. He sits down. "So who were you talking to?"

"Just Bakugo."

"You were screaming at Baubro and he hasn't killed you yet?" He stares at me like I have won the Olympics. "Yep. He knows I'm sick, though. He wouldn't bother laying a finger on me when I'm at my weakest."

"Thats our Bakubro for you." He smiles at his best friend's name. "Yep. So how are Midoryia and Bakugo?" He goes on and on, filling me in on all the latest of the two lovebirds' relationship. My heart aches when he tells of the beautiful relationship and then he goes on to tell me about his own love life. Although neither relationships are as beautiful as mine and Toshi's, it still made me long for love. Soon the nurse comes in and tells Kirishima that it's time to leave and I am thankful because, although I'm glad he's happy, seeing him so joyful makes me feel even lonelier. I pick up my phone to text Toshi again. "Hey, Gorgeous. Feeling any better," I type. This time, there was a response but not the one I was hoping for. "Stay away frm my bf you lser! ~Hogeike," I read.