I know it sounds terrible of me to wish my problems away rather than actually fixing them, but that is exactly what is going on. I don't know how to fix the fact that my mother killed herself. Sure, she might have hit me whenever I would bring up my sexuality but that doesn't mean I didn't love her. I scream into the thick fabric of the shirt before trying to escape the arms that hold me captive. "Let me go, Toshi," I demand. "We'll get through this together," he whispers, hand combing my hair. Once again, his lips meet my forehead and a wave of serenity comes over me. I don't think about what I'm doing, what I'm saying, I just do it. "I love you, Toshi. I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable or whatever but I'm tired of holding it in. I want to shout it from the rooftops." His lips meet mine and I'm captivated by the feel of his lips pushing against mine, his tongue trying to force my lips to part. I play hard to get, keeping my lips firmly placed together. I move away from him, as much as I hate to because I have to return to the reality of the situation.
"You still have a girlfriend, though. I'd break up with Jiro for you, I just need to know that you'd do the same to Hogeike, no hesitation. You'd drop everything for me, as I would you." I look to the ground scared to see his expression. Silence fills the air for what seems like an eternity before I break it. "If not, that's fine, Toshi. I'll move on. I refuse to be your little secret though, Toshi. I just can't be with you only for you to dump me the second we get to a rough patch. I can't continue to love you without knowing if the feeling will be returned. We can't just fight and break up and then date girls to make the other jealous and then kiss and makeup! This can't be a continuous cycle! Do you know what I've been through due to this happening once? It can't happen again! I won't do it! My mother is dead, the love of my life thinks I'm a waste of time if I'm not kissing him, and I'm so far past psychotic that I don't know what's real and what's not anymore! I can't love you anymore! I can't try to fix you if I'm going to break myself in the process. So tell me now, DO YOU LOVE ME?!?" I look him dead in the eyes, not paying attention to the tears slipping out of both of our eyes. "I was never dating Hogeike," he confesses.
"I DON'T CARE! STOP TRYING TO SKIP AROUND THE POINT!" I scream in fury. More tears leak out of his eyes and each one drives a dagger into my heart more. "Yes! And it scares me so much because I don't want to hurt you and everyone I've ever loved has gotten hurt and I love you more than I've ever loved ANYONE! Please don't get hurt." My expression softens and I approach him wrapping him in my arms. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone too so please don't hate me." I shock him.
YOU ARE READING
Pacify Her
Fanfiction"Hey, bro. What's wrong?" The red-head asked me. "Well, it's nothing. It's just how everyone has someone except for me. You have Tetsutetsu, Bakubro has Midoryia, Ashido has Hado, Sero has Hatsume. I'm all alone!" "You have Shinso." "No, I don't!! I...
