TRIGGER WARNING ;)
You don't know how to stop it.
You don't even know what is happening when you're that young. It's just a nightmare that you force yourself to believe it really was just a nightmare. Nothing that bad happened to me. It couldn't have happened.
Why would it happen?
Why didn't I have a voice back then? Why did I just shut up and take it? Why didn't I tell someone? Why haven't I told someone already...? Am I protecting him? Do I think I don't deserve justice?
I roll over in my bed and hug the blankets to my chest tightly.
You're body is so... womanly
My eyes shut tighter. Stop thinking Oli, you are just hurting yourself by replaying this in your head.
Click
I open my eyes and look over at kellin's sleeping figure. My heart is pounding and I feel so gross. I feel sick. I feel violated.
This feeling of doom drowns my soul making me feel disconnected with people and the world. In reality I could get kellin's attention and let him help me. I could get my phone and text or call Josh. I could call a hotline if I was desperate for help.
I could do that if I wasn't drowning. I can't move, I'm laying on my side but everything feels so heavy. Depression holds me down as Anxiety attacks me.
Click
My body flinches with the sound but nothing around seems to be making It. I try to sit up but its like gravity is holding me down. I feel like how a big would feel if it just got caught on a spider's web. I'm stuck and something is going to get me.
My eyes scan the room frantically but everything is 'normal'. Kellin's sleeping and the room is dark. But I feel my heart racing and my blood is rushing around in my body making my skin hot. "H-help," I say but it's a ghost of a word. No voice just air being forced out. "J-Josh! Help!" I say terrified.
I can't breath.
What's happening to me!?
Click
But this click comes with a flash triggering very bad memories. Then I see him. He's standing in my room with the camera pointing at me. I cant move. He drugged me. Oh god. Is kellin okay!? My eyes go back to kellin and my eyes widen as I see his white pillow is turning a crimson red.
Fuck fuck fuck
It's all my fault. My blanket is ripped off my body and even though I cant look down I know I'm only in my boxers. Anxiety makes it hard to breath and the drugs make my body useless. As I try with all my strength I can only move a inch or two. "Josh he-elp!" I cry needing josh to save me.
Tears stream from my eyes and I cry as the perverted man comes closer and touches my chest. "Its such a shame you got ride of them," he says touching me. Why does he have to ruin my fucking life again. I try to scream but as if I was underwear I cant. Its muffled and distant.
Click
He takes another picture of me without my consent. Nothing he does has my consent. Oh god I hope kellin isn't dead. "Olivia, you still love me dont you?" He asks moving his dark hair out of his face.
"No! Stop!" I scream.
Suddenly he's getting on top of me and I panic more, kicking and screaming as hard as I can and now I'm actually able to move. "Get off! Dont touch me!" I cry thrashing around trying to avoid being pinned down. He's going to rape me. I need help!
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You Are The Reason I Still Fight ! fransykes !
Fanfiction"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobo...
