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- Oliver's pov freshman year of highschool -
The hair straightener goes across my black hair smoothly. Every so often I tease parts so it straight but not flat. "Oliveee! Hurry! I have to brush my teeth," Tom whines through the bathroom door. I wish I had my own bathroom.
My eyes roll even though he can see me. I'm sure he knows I'm rolling my eyes though. I have a very bad habit of rolling my eyes at everything. "I'm trying," I mumble hating my voice because it's high pitched. At least for a guy it is. For a girl it's pretty low, but I'm not a girl.
I decide my hair is done so I get my makeup brush and add some purple to it and do under my eyes. I wear makeup but that shouldn't make me any less masculine... It does in a lot of people's eyes but I dont care. I do care but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop.
I put on eyeliner and mascara as Tom is knocking on the door over and over. "Shut up Tom! I'm shitting," I yell but he knows I'm not because I use this lie a lot but it's not as effective now.
"Come on man, were going to be late," he wines. I huff and add blush before unlocking the door and leaving the bathroom for Tom. He runs in and slams the door. I go to my room and put my hoodie over my long sleeved shirt. I look in my mirror and frown.
I think I put too much makeup on...
Whatever... I'm still a guy. I'm just scene or emo, not a girl. I pull up my shirt and pull at my binder trying to make it appear flatter. My three heart tattoo on my stomach is cute... I plan
On getting more tattoos. Especially on my wrists...
I fix my clothes and put on my backpack. I hate school so fucking much. But I'd rather be at school that home... Honestly I'd rather be gone than have to be at either. Dressed all in black 'emo' clothes I walk out of my room and see Tom running up to me.
"Ready for school?" I ask and he nods happy and runs down the stairs. He got himself his first girlfriend so he's been excited to go to his school. I hope when he gets to highschool he's already made enough friends in middle school to have his back.
I don't have to worry about that, Tom has tons of friends. He's going to live longer than me... I just hope when I finally kill myself he wont be affected too bad.
When I walk into the living room I'm tackled by Tom and we both fall. "Fucker!" I yell and we start to wrestle. I put him in a rear naked choke and he taps. I laugh letting go of him. "That's what you get," I say and he glares at me.
"You're cheating some how," he scoffs.
No, I've just been looking up a lot of fighting techniques and practicing what I've learned from Ronnie on him. I watch UFC constantly and am kinda obsessed with it. I want to go into UFC one day. I know I'll have to work double than any other guy but if they start accepting trans people into it, which I'm sure they will, I'm going to join.
Until then I'll practice with Ronnie and get stronger. I pretty much ignore him as I walk out the door. He follows and we start walking to school. His school is on the way to mine so we walk together. "You know.. he's wrong," Tom says quietly.
Last night his dad, my stepfather told me I'm 'pretending' to be a guy for attention. How would it be for attention if I literally moved schools so people wouldn't know I'm trans. Everyone at school just thinks I'm a twink. "Yeah, I know. How's Katie?" I ask and he starts going on and on about his girlfriend.
-
Mission of the day, avoid everyone so I dont attract attention to myself.
I try to do this every day but also every week I get in Josh Franceschi's way and he blows up. Theres something wrong with him. Like, not to be mean, I know he's human. But, I think he needs some major anger management therapy.
-
PE is the worst thing in the world. Its fucking 100 degrees out here, we are running the track, and I can't breathe. All day I've been having chest pain and trouble breathing so right now I think I'm going to die. Right now I'm just standing on the track holding my chest like I'm having a heart attack.
I look around for the teacher but see he's nowhere in sight. No student cares about me to see if I'm okay. My breath is jagged and it hurts but I can almost breathe but the hot air I suck in just makes me feel sick. Without to much thought I slip away from the track and sneak back inside.
If the teacher comes looking for me I'll say I'm nausea and threw up. I quickly make my way to the bathroom and tug at my make shift binder, it's a corset but I did some work to it so it works as a binder. As I pull on it I hear a snap and it goes loose. Panic strikes me and I hug myself quickly so it doesn't fall off me.
The strings broke!
Fuck I cant wear this...
I rush into a stall and take it off completely and look at it. Its beyond repair right now. I dont have my bag with me. Suddenly it feel like I just killed someone and I'm holding the murder weapon. I have to get ride of this.
My chest feels exposed even though I'm wearing a tank top under a long sleeved shirt that is under a short sleeved shirt and over all that I have a jacket on. I stand on the toilet and push the tile up on the ceiling. I put my binder up there and close it and then sink down so I'm sitting on the closed toilet.
I'm fucked. If anyone touches my chest or looks closely... they could see. I don't know... They might now, I'm pretty flat chested but it's just the what if. Josh. Fuck. If josh messes with me he might be able to tell and he'll tell the whole school.
He has pushed me plenty of times and a few of those times it was on my chest. He couldn't tell but if he did that today he would definitely be able to tell. I protectively cross my arms and leave my stall and go to walk out the bathrooms. I'm going home, I cant be here.
The door opens right before I grab it so I stumbled back so it doesn't hit me and... its josh. Josh has came here to ruin my life. He flinches as soon as he sees me but then he realizes it's me and looks mad. He looks at my face and scoffs. "You look like a fucking girl with that shit on your face," he says.
This isn't the meanest think he's ever said to me but it hurts the worst. I've never let anyone at school see me cry, I wont let this bother me... I try to go around him but he grabs the front of my shirt making me panic more as my shirt lifts up some exposing some of the tattooed heart on my lower stomach. He sees it and my soul leaves my body as he roughly pulls up my shirt.
I cross my arms tightly over my chest making it impossible for him to lift it more. "You have a fucking tattoo?" He yells seeming so shocked. He's stronger than me. He could easily do whatever he wanted to me and I'd have no control. "And there hearts? That's so fucking gay," he says shoving my shirt down and pushing my shoulders back. I fall on my ass and I feel my eyes tingle and my throat heat up.
"I'm not gay," I mumble.
"You're not gay? But I heard you and that older guy do stuff in the back of his car. Oh, are you really a girl? That's why it's not considered gay," he says and he doesn't know how bad this hurt me. I'd rather him be kicking me while I'm down, not saying these words...
Tears fall down my cheeks and I hiccup a little. "No, I'm not a girl a-and me and him are friends," I say getting up and running past him. I dont stop, I completely run out of the school and run all the way home so I can cry myself to sleep and get ready for the next day of hell.
Thursday, November 5th
Words: 1500
I'm thinking about fucking up my updates by starting a new story but I think I'll finish Make Me Feel Alive and add another chapter to Obey first.
You guys should read my other stories if you haven't yet ❤
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