BIKER WITH BENEFITS

:: 13 ::

FOR THE LOVE OF A FATHER

Xiao FanYu P.O.V

If you think anything can replace a father's love, you're probably partially right. I'm not sure when but right after Zhan came back, I missed every single day of his life he spent in front of my eyes. I've never realised before, that what I missed was seeing Zhan growing up in front of my eyes.

Before, I was a careless father, a cheating husband. I never paid attention to Qing before. I never paid attention to Zhan before. I just used to think the family I got with Qing and Zhan was an arrangement, made from some agreement of my father with Qing's father. I would only care about my work and nothing else. Maybe because of that only Zhan came into this world as a result of our wedding night. After all it was my duty as a husband to give Qing an offspring. But it was just that. You can even say that Zhan wasn't a result of our love. But Zhan is still my son, and I love him. But he somehow replaced that love with something else. Qing was somehow successful to raise him to be the wonderful man he is today.

When I haven't met WanYue yet, I used to take Qing and Zhan to some parties. But when WanYue came into the picture it stopped. I knew I was turning into a terrible person. But somehow I gave WanYue the chance I never gave to Qing. The news of WanYue being pregnant with ZhuoChang shook me to the core. And I realised I should stop this. But it took yet four and a half years more for me to get that into action.

After Qing and my divorce Zhan was taken by Qing. I don't know if I wanted to take Zhan with me. I knew literally nothing about him. What he likes, what he dislikes, what it was like for him in school. And even Zhan was so mature in that age that he never came to me for any of his problems. Later when I found him talking to one of his friends I was stunned as to how he thought of me. He said, "It's ok. Dad is never there. He has works to do. He's a busy man."

I realised how much I've been neglecting my own family. But it was too late. And it felt more convenient to let go of both of them to have their own life without me ruining it.

But now when Zhan is here, staying with us, it feels like he's not that little guy anymore. He's somehow grew a hidden hatred for me. He mostly avoids me and WanYue. Though he's slowly grew attached to ZhuoChang. And that's probably good. Because I thought he'll think ZhouChang is the reason I left him and his mother. But he seems a reasonable man. Better than me. Sometimes he even goes out with ZhuoChang to spent time together.

I was lost in thoughts loosing focus completely on the medical magazine I'm holding in my hand. That's when WanYue came to the room. She just came back from a book signing and she was in her evening dress. She looks beautiful.

"Lao gong ah! Where are you lost?"

"WanYue, do you think what I did to Qing and Zhan is wrong?"

WanYue was taken aback. Well she was supposed to be surprised. I never talk about these things. I'm a busy person and I keep myself busy with work more than I'm meant to. Then she came and sat at the armrest of the chair I'm sitting on.

"You want me to tell you the truth?"

I just look at her. I had no power to even nod because I was sure what she is going to say, I'm not going to like it. And just like every other times she understands me.

"Yes, FanYu. What you did to them is wrong."

"Then Zhan should hate me, right?" A sigh escapes me even after me trying to avoid it.

WanYue is a wise woman and she knows when to tell the truth and when to coax and lessen the bluntness. She knew I was in a dilemma. She knew why I wanted Zhan to take over. She knew why I let them go. WanYue knows everything and she's always been there. Just for a single truth that we love each other we kept going.

There used to be times when WanYue would be scared of me being taken away from her by Qing because she understood if Qing really wanted she could have done that. But after they met each other she was sure. She knew Qing had a personality that no woman around us had. And they even became good friends. I didn't know what to make off of that.

But as mother used to say everything happens for a reason. And maybe there's a reason for Zhan hating me too.

Seeing at my facial expression WanYue patted on my shoulder and smiles. "You know, mother, used to say that everything happens for a reason. And I know you believe it. As far as I knew Qing jie, she would never raise A-Zhan as someone who has a weak character. A-Zhan might hate me, or you, but it's okay. He's a reasonable man, he'll understand. And when he does, he'll come around. You can see how he gets along with A-Chang. They're practically good friends now. They'll become brothers sooner or later."

"Well that's because you told ZhuoChang that his gege is an angel!" I smile, remembering the time.

WanYue smiles too. "Isn't he?"

Well truly Zhan is an angel. He's always been and he'll always be.

At the dining table Mrs. Guo was preparing the dinner and as always WanYue was helping her set the table when Zhan came in. His eyes are tired. He's been working non-stop with this case of a little girl. We had a meeting today and Dr. Xuan Lu suggested that we perform a surgery. Zhan has been thinking ever since and even I have noticed the change in his behaviour. WanYue called him.

"A-Zhan, let's have dinner together, yeah?" Seeing his face and expression even WanYue spoke in English. Probably to help Zhan feel comfortable. Zhan looked at us and nod and goes to his room to freshen up. And comes down along with A-Chang.

"ZhuoChang's friend brought some strawberries today. You want to have some, Zhan?" I put a strawberry on his plate but he just tiredly looks up at me. He returns the strawberry to ZhuoChang's plate and continues eating.

"Pa. Gege has allergic reaction to strawberries." ZhuoChang smiles awkwardly.

That proves how little I know about my own son. Zhan never complained. But I think from now on I have to be a better father for him.

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Well look who's updated..... I was looking for a translation of a novel the whole day yesterday... But later I found it and I'm so happy.... As a result I wrote this chapter so fast that it's a record! But anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter....

Recently I'm taking my time in building some really hard characters... You can say that it's a sort of a lesson.... Tho these characters are not for any stories but they might be in some stories later...

So that's it for today...

All the love
C 💕

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