The Fear of the Past //Saiouma (Pregame)

Chapter 3

A/N: The art will now be a bunch of random Kokichi crap, since my motivation jumped out the window. I hope this in no way bothers the readers.

After his confirmation with the mastermind, Kokichi had retired to his room. On the way, he had written the message on a sheet of paper, and left it somewhere he knew she would find it.

If it was a normal day, Kokichi would be walking around the premises, exploring every nook and cranny. But if he did so, he was in danger of seeing someone. He in no way whatsoever wanted to talk to anyone. Specially if he knew that they would ask him questions about the memories, and he wasn't in the mood to answer them.

As Kokichi arrived, he decided against locking his door. He didn't want to unlock the door after she came. It would be too much of a pain. Simply put, he was too lazy to do so.

He took off his scarf, placing it ontop of a chair. He stood in the mirror, examining his thin pale collarbone. He was badly malnourished, and it didn't help that he rarely ate here. He was so used to not eating, that when he did eat, he felt like throwing up.

'Oh well. Just another thing wrong with me'

He stared at himself a little more. He carefully caressed his collarbone with pale slender fingers. Other him had scars in that area. It really was amazing that they were able to remove those. As well as all the other stuff on his body, including the suspicious looking mosquito bites. He shivered as he thought about the mosquito bites.

Kokichi opened his closet. One thing he liked about his wardrobe was that not only were his regular outfits there, but his cape and hat were there too. Even better, the capes came in different sizes. He felt gratitude at whoever designed his particular closet. They understood how important cape sizes were to increase the dramatic effect. Especially while making his entrance.

After a few seconds of browsing, Kokichi found the largest one. He didn't question why such a big cape even existed so he just felt gratitude. Plus, he was in a killing game, with a talking bear robot as well as a possible killer on the loose. Oh and, apparently he didn't even exist. He was just a fictional character created by other him, which meant that his entire existence was most likely a lie. Oh and, animals weren't anywhere on the school premises. Basically, the size of a cape was the least of his worries.

With a graceful motion, he was in his bed, cape in hand. He draped the cape over his small body. It covered him completely, serving as a blanket. With the comfort of the cape, Kokichi decided to do something that he'd rather not. In all honesty, he has been trying to ignore the fact that he knew that should get it over with. But he was a coward, and instead placed it aside. But if he was going to talk about it with someone, he needed to actually know about what he was going to talk about.

He was going to sort the memories.

Kokichi was special. Not in a mental disability kind of way(although he's shown symptoms), but more in a genius kind of way. If his parents had cared about him, he would've gotten proper help to hone his talent, making him a kid genius.

Kokichi had picture perfect memory. Well, it wasn't that simple actually. His brain was like a computer, or more like a messy desk. Each of his memories were there, he just needed to find them. He could practically rember anything, although it may take a while depending on how hidden it was. He could also sort his memories. Like sorting files on a computer and putting them in folders. He even had a folder labeled 'childhood trauma', which he knew was going to be filled up soon enough.

Sure, it sounded weird enough. Hell, it even sounded unbelievable, but Kokichi was known to make the unbelievable believable. One can just imagine how much he could've advanced up in life. If only he had recived proper training, maybe he wouldn't hold such an evil title.

'Shut up me. Your the Ultimate Supreme Leader, and that's it. Your not a goody two shoes who does nothing but study. You are you.'

With telling himself that, he started the tiring task. He had to prepare himself mentally, as he knew what kind of despair lay before him. He let the memories pour in, flooding his mental library. Overtaking everything.

With a shudder, he got to sorting.

First, he would start with the most traumatizing experiences and set them aside. He would then start with the few happy moments he could find scattered around. Finally, everything childhood would go to the 'childhood trauma' section, since he knew that he would have a terrible background to cause such a terrible case of stuttering.

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Two males were sitting on a bed. The smaller of the two was being embraced by the bigger. The smaller had his head burried on the other's chest, doing his best to stifle his sobs as he didn't want to make him angry. "You know I love you, right?" The smaller one tensed as he heard the bigger one's words. "You don't need anybody else. Only me, and me only. You belong to me, and no one else. Only I can see those expressions of yours. Okay?" The smaller one felt like running away from the bigger one, but he knew it was pointless. After he got caught, he would just be punished. He knew from experience.

"Y-yes"

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Kokichi ignored the despair that came with that memory. He knew he was barely touching the surface, so he shouldn't let something as trivial as that to bother him. "That's definitely going into the trauma section" he said with a laugh. 

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They were dead. Dead because of him. It was all his fault.

The young boy stood with a terrified look on his face as he stared at the bodies of his parents. The young boy didn't have any injuries since his parents had sacrificed themselves for him.

It was for him. Therefore, it was his fault that they were dead. If only he hadn't tried to chase after the ball. If only he was smart. If only...

Sirens soon filled the air as police arrived. The ambulances arrived too. Someone rushed to the small boy, trying to calm him. They spoke reassuring words, but the boy didn't pay attention to anything being said. He simply stood there, staring at the bodies of his parents. He wasn't crying, but he wasn't scared either. He didn't feel anything. He was just... there. The despair had overwhelmed the poor boy too much, that it had cut off his ability to think. The only thing he did hear were 4 words. 4 words being repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over- (im sorry, I'll stop now)- again.

"It's all your fault"

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"Wow, okay. That was.. interesting to say the least. That's definitely going into the childhood trauma section." Kokichi blinked serveal times as he registered what he had just experienced.

He sat quietly for a while, debating whether to continue, or to stop right there. He knew he shouldn't stop. There were hundreds of memories waiting to be stored, and she would arrive in a few hours. He needed to have his thoughts in order.

But then again, he didn't want to see another traumatic experience. Or the lying words of that boy he came to detest so much. And definitely not the times that he had tried to take his life.

In all honesty, Kokichi imagined he would've turned out like him if it wasn't for D.I.C.E. He simply pitied him for not having the amazing group of friends he had.

With a tired sigh, Kokichi prepared himself again. He needed to get the tiring task done. Even if the remainder of his innocence disappeared, it was one of those things that just needed to be done.

So, once again. The Ultimate Supreme Leader began to sort his memories.

A/N: I apologize if anyone recived a notification of the chapter being updated. My dumbass self accidentally clicked publish, which gave me a mini panic attack. Wohoo, go me.
In all honesty, I have no clue on what I even want to accomplish with this story. I guess I'll have to find out alongside you who is reading.