Rager!

Chapter 5

I was pissed.. I was beyond pissed! I screamed and tugged at my hair, stuff was flying around the room.
Sam said" Jonathan! Stop!" I screamed louder, breathed heavily, and cried out." Where the hell are you?! Hurry! Jonathan, stop! Stop! No, he's going crazy! And you seem to calm him down, so hurry up! Jonathan?!" My eyes turned black, and I screeched, tugging my hair more, and stuff shattered.

I couldn't calm down, I was pissed at everything, At myself... really at myself.
I heard Dean say" Jonathan!" I froze, everything fell, I crashed to my knees quickly." What the he-" I flinched hard," Heck is going on?"
Sam said" He went postal after he woke up from a memory. Everything went crazy."
" Jonathan..." I looked at them, my lip quivered and I wrapped my arms around myself.
I said" I liked it... I-I... He-He used me so much... I started-I..." I ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet, crying, I felt Dean's arms wrapped around my chest and pull me up. One arm went under my knees as he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. He laid me down." I started to like it... I started to like it! Ah!" I screamed, and the mirror shattered, I jumped, covering my face.
" It's okay, Jonathan. You were tortured..."
" I started to like it, Dean... I-I can't... alcohol makes you forget, I want alcohol, a lot of it." I got up and went for the fridge, where I knew they had beer. Dean grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back," Let me go! Dean, let go!"
" Not happening."
" I wanna forget it all!"
" Yeah, well, you can't forget." I let my eyes turn back to normal, as I glared at him." Yeah, dude, you don't scare me, stop acting like an idiot."
" I'm not acting like an idiot!" I tried to move, I struggled against him, kicking my legs up." I want alcohol! Give me alcohol!"
" Don't make me knock you out." I stopped struggling, he pushed me onto the bed, I sat up and pouted at him." Look, Jonathan, you were being tortured, you were enduring an extreme amount of pain, everyone eventually gives in."
" I gave in to Lucifer, hell... Dean, I gave in to the devil!"
" He had you under his control, Jonathan. Nothing was your fault."
" I've killed... so many people! I willingly had sex with Lucifer, I'm worthless!"
" You gave in after he'd already tortured you, Jonathan, he knew you'd give in."
" I feel disgusting."
" Yeah. But you can't burn it away."
" I want to... I wanna burn my skin off."
" You can't."
" I can, you won't let me."
" Yeah, I won't!" I laid down, covering my face with a pillow," Won't let you smother yourself to death, either, dipshit."
" Leave me alone!"
——
I whimpered as a knife slid across my skin, slightly cutting the skin beneath the blade.
I sniffled" Leave me alone..."
She laughed" Why, Bazzoth? You didn't stop when you were carving me like a pumpkin."
" I-I-I'm sorry..." My head flopped down, I gasped for air, she tightened a noose around my neck, I choked again.
" You're sorry? You're sorry! Oh, sweetheart, you don't even know what sorry is, yet!" She grabbed my neck tightly, I started choking, I tried to move away from her but I was being restrained. She let go...
" They're... They're gonna-gonna find us, and-and save me."
" Are they? Do they even care about you, Bazzoth?" I whimpered, she punched me, and everything faded away.

I woke up to panicking, I looked up and saw Sam and Dean, I smiled slightly then my head slumped. Then I saw them get slammed into the wall, they groaned,
I said" Leave them alone!" My eyes turned black, and I tore off the ropes, even though they were soaked with holy water. I heard my skin sizzling, I whimpered and slammed the demons in the walls, Sam and Dean were dropped and they started stabbing them. I dropped, breathing heavily and getting dizzy, I saw Dean in front of me.
He said" Miss me?" I groaned, my eyes going back to brown," Because when you're patched up, I'm gonna kick your ass!" I aired out a laugh, he shook his head and lifted me up, I yelped," Not sorry." He dragged me out to his car, I whimpered as he put me into the backseat and got in with me. He held pressure on my stomach, as Sam got in and started driving.

Once we got back to the motel room, Dean dragged me in as Sam left again to deal with the meat suits left behind. I whimpered as Dean poured vodka onto the cuts and started cleaning them.
He said" What kind of stunt did you pull, Jonathan?"
I said" I had to."
" Why?!"
" Because I can't let you get hurt because of me."
" Well, I get hurt all the time. You don't deserve all of this stuff, you didn't choose to be sacrificed."
" I didn't choose to be rescued!"
" All right, Jonathan, wanna be dragged back to hell? Go for it! Because we can't always rescue you."
" Then don't!" We were glaring at each other," I don't want anyone else getting hurt because of me... I just, I wanna be left alone."
" Well, that's not happening. You're with us, whether you like it or not, Jonathan."
" Why don't you hate me?! It's been a month and a half from... just from! And it's either my horrific nightmares or demons somehow tracking me down, I'm a burden, Dean."
" I'll carry the weight, Jonathan, you're with us."
" I'm a burden." He finished wrapping up the cuts,
" You're patched up, you'll be fine." I scooted up, wincing in pain," Little bruised and cut up but just fine, you just need rest."
" Rest? What's that?"
" Ha, very funny, man. Just go to sleep. Sam's gonna be like 2 hours."
" All right." I relaxed against the bed, whimpering," She said I carved her up like a pumpkin. I don't remember her, I'm so confused."
" Just forget it, she's dead, she can't hurt you anymore. Sam's gonna pick up some ingredients and make a protection sachet. No demons will be able to find you."
" They want me, they'll find me." He sighed,
" I'm gonna protect you, Jonathan."
" I don't want you to. I deserve it."
" No, you don't."
" Yes, I do." We stared at each other, it's a terrible thing to think, but I've literally felt everything in just the course of a month and a few days, but the one feeling I have that confuses me the most is love... towards Dean. It's killing me slowly from the insides and I seriously don't know how to think through these thoughts and it's terrifying. He leaned in and kissed me, I squeaked, slowly kissing back, copying him even though I think I know how to kiss. I mean... I did kiss Lucifer. My eyes fluttered shut as my hands went to the back of his neck and he crawled on top of me. I tensed up when I could feel myself being pushed into the mattress... being pinned down. I stopped kissing to gasp for air, Dean moved off me, he stared at me,
" You know it's me, right?" I nodded my head," And you know I'd never do anything you didn't want to me to do. So I'm not gonna force you or pressure you into anything."
" I feel terrible."
" You shouldn't be, okay? You've had a shitty life... not life. And none of it has been your fault."
" It feels like it's been... I know it's been." He got back on top of me, our faces nearly touching, he kissed me again, so gently, I melted into the kiss instantly. He held my face, I whimpered and my hands flopped to my side, he pulled away and looked at me. My mouth was gaped, my eyes were black, I gulped.
" Your eyes are black, Jonathan."
" I'm overwhelmed... I don't-don't know how to feel."
" How?"
" I-I really like you... and I don't know how to feel..."
" You really like me?" I nodded slowly, he sighed," I really like you too, Jonathan." He kissed me again, I squeaked and he smiled against my lips, I gently hit the back of his head, he deepened the kiss. I moaned quietly, he moved down my neck, sucking gently at my skin, my eyes went back to normal.

The door opened, Dean and I were slowly making out.
Sam said" Geez!" Dean pulled away,
He mumbled" And he's back."
" At least you two finally quite acting like idiots."
I said" My lips feel numb..." Dean chuckled," My mind is fuzzy..." Dean laughed and moved off me,
" Okay, so we've got the ingredients for the protection, it should shield him from every low-rank demon." I closed my eyes,
Dean said" Only low-rank?"
" Yeah, well... we're working with what we've got and it's what we got."
" All right, we can deal with this. I think he's gonna fall asleep..." I started dozing off," And he is, whoa, I need to make out with him all the time now."
" Ha, yeah. Looks like."