CRAVED

ELEVEN

{unedited}

Geneva had slowly  revived from the induced  low state of mind into her normal public persona the following day. Geneva's  overly unsettling mind had dropped to niggling, her troubling thoughts slightly  loosened their strong hold on her mind day by day. It  had helped that day when Gabriella had indicated to join her in France.

But a majority of the time, she'd experience intense trepidation. And it had made its permanent home within. She'd  come to accept and learnt to recover from  its effects when she'd given the recommended a call.

She showed up  for the  set appointment and the experience had been unfamiliar. Not particularly too formal was the setting but it had felt invasive. The polite kind where one would pry and if one route failed then try another but with patience, a kind face and professionalism, accompanied with words that were beneficial ?

She had told the therapist how she felt, scared, anxious and always on edge.

After  the session,  she didn't request for another. Not that it was pointless, it did help. She'd come out with advice on how to tame some of her troubling thoughts.

To look around  and remember she wasn't where she'd escaped. She was home and safe.

She found she  couldn't fully open up about Marcelo with anyone. Unable  to deal with the feelings that revolved around him or any  past activity that they shared or was linked to him. She  had no control in that area when it came to thoughts concerning him, they bombarded her thoughts with  no filter .

When she'd subtly brought up a recent activity of questioning her existence and was asked why she questioned it, Geneva had chosen to answer honestly,

" I don't want my parents, or anyone else  to be hurt because of me."

If she hadn't been in the equation, her parents and loved ones wouldn't be in harms way.

Samuel wouldn't have died.

Her thoughts and conclusions pointed at her making the guilt and fear heavier and the question had pooped out of nowhere.

Would all of it be the way it was if it weren't for her?

"Who was hurt?"

The middle aged  therapist had looked up with her glasses on the bridge of her nose posing the question.

The question that had  caught Geneva off guard  and she fumbled with her fingers debating on whether she could tell her about Samuel or not.

Would the woman seated in front of her  ask how it happened?

A scenario played  in her mind  where she saw herself try to explain how she didn't mean to do it, it was Marcelo who'd forced her to pull the trigger.

Fast forward,  she found  herself  visited by a detective.

Word would have spread out,  Samuel's  family whom she couldn't bare to face, contacted .

The induced forethought progressed  and blew out of her control.

Her eyes expressed many things, fear being amongst and the therapist diverted the topic but Geneva had already closed off.

She  couldn't open up for many reasons . Fear and trust among them.
Before the day ended,  after her therapy session, she'd gotten the talk about life from both her parents. She mentally easily pointed the finger at who could have conveyed the idea to her parents and thus the talk that had made her feel a different kind of shit and emotional mess about it.