𝐵𝑢𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑙𝑦 𝐷𝑒𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 // 𝑗𝑗𝑘, 𝑦/𝑛, 𝑘𝑡ℎ

58

🦋 E P I L O G U E 🦋
2

Taehyung POV

I walked out of the graveyard, and stood outside on the pavement. Standing there, I built the courage to do something I never could.

I wanted to remember y/n today. I wanted to think about her, properly. A whole year without that amazing girl.
So I began to walk, tiresome. I still knew the way. I would never forget.

On the way I thought about how it affected me. We know everyone else's life story after. But what about me?

I had fallen apart, and I still haven't been able to pick up the pieces. I had become traumatised. Seeing your two best friends jump off a building and fall right in front of you ... isn't the easiest thing to get over.

My parents cared enough to send me to an expensive therapist. It was helpful .. only in keeping me calm. Not helpful, in making me forget.

But I made it hard for myself. I don't want to forget. Everyone keeps telling me to move on. But I don't want to. I cry almost everyday, because I want to go back, so bad. That was the only time I was truly ever happy.

It might sound selfish, but I wanted to go back to when she was with me. When she was getting bullied, but she was with me.

I keep asking myself,'What if?'
What if she was still alive, what would we be doing right now?
Would she be laughing? Smiling? Crying?

My mind thought of a time when she was smiling. Her joyous, and pretty laugh echoed through the walls of my mind. When she fell in the mud at my farm, and she lay in my arms. I could feel her heartbeat.

Her heartbeat.

It felt gut-wrenching, now that I could never hear it again.

I stopped walking for one moment. It was happening again. I would get these frequent panic attacks, whenever I thought of y/n too much. My heart begins to beat excessively fast, and my chest hurts. The doctor said I needed to get it under control or it could become a serious problem. So I was prescribed some medicine, and breathing exercises to calm myself down.

Like I said, I have no one to take care of me. That was only y/n ... Jungkook ... Jimin. They left me alone.

After about five minutes, I had calmed down enough to continue on my path.
Nothing much had changed. I don't talk as much anymore. I'm careful about who I talk to, and who to trust. People have tried to become my friends, but I brushed them off. It was just pity.

Pity they never took on y/n when they pushed her around. Called her names. Abused her.

I feel like I can never love again. She was the only one for me. I loved her in a way, that was magical. Like a fairytale. Except my fairytale has a tragic ending.

Turning a corner on the street, I stopped. I was in a familiar neighbourhood. Familiar little run down houses. Just down the long street ... and I would reach my destination.

A huge part of the reason I couldn't let go, was because I blamed myself. I do blame myself. I was never good enough, not for an angel like that. In some ways, I realised, that I was worse than Jungkook. I was the worst monster. Loving her and treating her like the princess she was ... in secret. All because I was scared of Jungkook, of people. If only I had gained the courage earlier, maybe she would still be alive. If only I didn't make her fall in love with me, and use that against her. I must have hurt her so bad.