Potions & Charms

Gone

Avi didn't let Scott hug him. He squeezed past him into the living room, walked right over to the fireplace and sat down on the couch without saying a word.

The baritone frowned and was about to say something when Kirstie just shook her head and bit her lip. "Just- be there, Scott. Stay in the background and just be there if he wants you to."

"What happened?"

"Professor Snyde. We saw him walking up to the castle, remember?"

"The old-"

"Yeah. He teaches at Durmstrang. I think he was here to talk to Avi."

Scott closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he looked at his friend. "What else? Where was he?"

"I found him in the Astronomy Tower, outside. He was covered in snow. Make him some tea, okay? Maybe he wants to eat at some point. But he's somewhere in his head, I don't know. Not really responding to anything." Kirstie paused, then furrowed her brows. "He's overwhelmed."

Scott made tea. And Scott asked Winky to stop by with plain toast, in case Avi wanted to nibble on something. However, the man didn't even react when the baritone placed a mug filled with tea and the plate with cut up toast near him.

"Hey Avi? Are you okay with me being here?" Scott was holding a book and stood in front of the couch, ready to sit down, but he didn't get a reply from Avi. He sighed softly and then got comfortable. Even though he was interested in the book he found himself looking at the back of his boyfriend more often than at the old pages and after half an hour he gave up.

Avi hadn't moved. He was still sitting in front of the fireplace on the floor, with his legs pulled against his chest and his arms wrapped around him. The man looked calm on the outside, almost as if he was asleep, but inside he was fighting against the thoughts the meeting with his old teacher had brought to the surface again.

It was draining, he felt them damaging other memories, the throbbing headache got worse and- Avi exhaled and found himself on the floor.

Scott was kneeling next to him with one hand on his shoulder, the other one holding his cheek and he had furrowed his brows. "Avi? C'mon..."

He blinked. Once, then twice, and managed to focus on his boyfriend. "Yeah" he croaked and slowly sat up. Together they scooted back until his back came in contact with the couch.

"You passed out, it's almost midnight. We should go to bed." Scott reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Avi's ear but the man flinched and pulled back before he was able to reach it.

It hurt, both of them, but the baritone didn't show it and just smiled lightly. "Let's get you under the covers. Do you want a Dreamless Sleep potion?"

Avi hesitated, then nodded and got up. He felt Scott's hand ghosting against his lower back, in case his legs gave in, but they made it to the bathroom and Scott gave him some privacy to change and brush his teeth. Of course he avoided the mirror to the point where he stood with his head facing the tiles while he was brushing his teeth as the window panes had revealed just a slight reflection of his face and Avi had flinched like a student that had been caught cheating.

He wasn't supposed to be in this bathroom. He wasn't supposed to be near Scott, or with Scott, or- Avi shook his head and entered the bedroom.

The Charms teacher was in bed already. He looked at him through his round glasses and smiled again, just lightly, before he patted the spot next to him. "C'mere. I've been waiting."

Avi, however, didn't move. He kept looking at the tall blonde before he shook his head and lowered his gaze. "I- I'll sleep in the dungeons, Scott. I'm not supposed to be here. This isn't right."

"Because I'm a man?"

"Because I'm not supposed to-" Avi sighed and gestured vaguely. "Everything."

Scott stayed calm. They had been through this before and he knew that Avi trusted him. Even if he would decide to sleep in the dungeons they still had all that trust they had built before, and he knew that deep down, somewhere underneath the mess of feelings Avi was dealing with right now, the bearded man still loved him.

"Will you be alright? You're always welcome to come over, Avi."

The bearded man nodded slowly and then, without saying a word, turned around and left.

After shutting the heavy door behind him Avi took a deep, shaky breath. He was back in his rooms, back where he usually felt safe and okay and just like himself, but every time his eyes drifted to the couch he felt his old professor's presence and shuddered.

Thinking of him was one thing, thinking of Scott another. Whenever he felt the old memories settle just enough to allow others to come up he thought of him. How gentle and patient he had been, how much time he had invested in gaining Avi's trust.

Scott didn't deserve any of whatever was happening how. He didn't deserve a fragile, traumatized boyfriend. He didn't deserve having to deal with all the mess Avi had been though, and yet he did, and Avi wondered why. Maybe he had eyed the golden coins the bearded man kept in Gringotts, the money he had earned through all the books he had sold, all the research he had done. The potions. Maybe, just maybe Scott had been hungry for fame. Deep inside Avriel knew that his mind was playing tricks on him, but he wasn't able to convince himself to listen to his gut feeling.

He screamed. He screamed and cried and punched the wall to release all the anger he was feeling not just towards himself but everyone who had hurt him, physically and emotionally, and when he was exhausted and just empty he looked at the bag that was by now packed and contained all of his things he would need to start somewhere else.

Professor Snyde had been right. Hogwarts wasn't healthy for him. Hogwarts had been the reason he was in love, even worse, with a man, and he couldn't stand being near anyone right now. But Professor Snyde had been wrong too. He didn't belong to Durmstrang and just thinking of returning to the school made him feel sick.

For now he would leave and find another place to stay, far away from everyone else, with his things and his books. And maybe with the sweater Scott had gotten him for Christmas. Because it was warm, and he would probably need it at some point. Not because Scott had given it to him.

"Scott?"

The baritone looked up. They were in the Great Hall and while Mitch and Kirstie were having a conversation about some type of ankle boots while they ate waffles he just wanted to leave and be with Avi.

"Minerva?"

She didn't say anything, but the look on her face wasn't something Scott had wanted to see that early. He followed her all the way to her office and then, when she had stepped behind her desk, sat down in front of it.

"Professor-"

"Did you know?"

Scott frowned. "About what?" he asked and tilted his head slightly.

The witch handed him a letter and then sighed softly. "About Professor Kaplan."

The parchment was expensive and reeked of Avi, his neat handwriting was something Scott couldn't get enough off — he had spent hours and hours on end with going through his notes on different brewing methods and adjustments to ingredients — but what he was reading in this moment was something he wanted to forget immediately.

"He- he left?" The man lowered the parchment and looked at the headmistress. He couldn't believe that Avi had asked to be released from his contract.

"The house elves have confirmed that he left the castle late at night."